Monday, March 23, 2009

Not Me Monday

It was not me who took the pile of clothes needing to be put away and made piles on my dresser for the night. I always put my clean clothes away.

It was not me who bought $35 shoes for a child who cannot even walk yet because they squeek in the heel as they are beginning to walk.

It was also not me who bought said shoes a size too big because that was all the vendor had left AND made him wear them to church last night.

It was also not me who justified the buying of those gorgous shoes because I can hand them down to my oldest daughters son when Emmanuel outgrows them.

It was not me who wanted to drop everything and get in the car and drive 1200 miles to be with my brother as he has heart surgery on Thursday. It surely was not me that gave up the idea as quickly as I entertained it.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It was not me who baked TWO Arkansas Pound Cakes in two days. It was not me who realized that just because the name is POUND cake, it doesn't mean you only gain one pound if you eat it.

It was not me who was late picking up my oldest son from the airport. I am never late.

It was not me who forgot to turn the heater back on in the house and woke to see my oldest son, Israel, in his winter coat, sitting in a chair in the living room, doing computer work.

It is not me needing to go to the bathroom but not wanting to stop from my "not me's" long enough to go take care of bathroom business.

It was not me sitting in the fellowship room last night while the men had an impromptu meeting, wishing I was anything but the preachers wife.

It was not me LAUGHING at our Mocha dog having a hissy fit at the patio door because another dog five times his size was on the deck. I have an obedient and quiet dog, so it wasn't me.

and....it was not me who took a list with five complaints to my doctor only to hear that every problem could easily be solved if I lost weight. I have an intelligent doctor, so it could not have been me!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Not Me

It was not me who waited too long to go to the bathroom, so in desperation, walking swiftly while pulling down my pants and underwear through the house so as to save time in the bathroom. I would never do that as the patio door, open to the world is in that pathway. I am modest.

It was not me who looked outside this morning and found three inches of snow on the ground. I was not hoping for the look of spring, a green bud or daffodils peeking out of the ground. I know my seasons. March in Wyoming is Not winter.

It was not me who waited till the last minute to mail my mother in laws birthday gift. I am always prompt and on time. So, it was not me either who has not yet ordered her fathers birthday present (for his important 80th birthday) that will take 3-4 weeks to get to him and his birthday is in a week and a half.

It was not me who looked at my house this morning and started planning to get it cleaned up because the housekeeper is coming tomorrow. I am not prideful.

It was certainly not me who sat in the computer chair, needing (again) to be dashing for the potty, but wanting to finish my 'not me' for this week.

I don't live such a boring life that I have to sit here and think a LONG time about what to write. Bye for now

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Emmanuel

My eighth grandchild....my third grand son, Emmanuel. Emmanuel was born with Sickle Cell Anemia, type SS. He is six months old. He is a chortling, funny, beautiful, handsome, mischievous, teasing, bundle of boy. He has just learned to sit by himself and to crawl. It's a funny crawl, but it is mobility and he is on the go.

Emmanuel was born to my single daughter, Sarah. Sarah works two jobs and her daddy and I take care of Emmanuel while she is at work. It takes both of us alot of the time.

For Emmanuels first five months of life, he was pretty much like any other normal baby. During his sixth month he has been to the hospital three times. One of those times was very scary. The staff thought at one point that he wasn't going to live. Inside, I was falling apart, while my face stayed serious but serene. I watched Emmanuel lay in the hospital baby crib, moaning while he slept. He didn't move. He was very pale. He had already been poked and prodded, an IV started and wrapped around his little arm.

Our little town is very blessed to have a hospital. It is not a big hospital with specialists that know how to take care of Sickle Cell kids. The staff is learning as they go. Emmanuel is one of two people in the state of Wyoming with this disease. The nearest specialist is in Denver, CO.

They talked of care flighting him to Denver and we tried to prepare our hearts for whatever was going to happen.

There was a period of time during that hospital stay when I was in the room by myself with Emmanuel. I looked at him laying there, so very sick and helpless and little and my heart took over and I wept. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. I had long ago put Emmanuel in my Heavenly Fathers arms for His care. But still, I am flesh and blood and this is my baby grand son. Tears dripped off my face. I wasn't sobbing. I was releasing Emmanuel yet again to our Father.

A nurse came into the room and asked me if I was OK. I told her that I was OK....only because God was with me. With Him I can stand because He can bind up my weak knees.

Eventually Emmanuel got better and we were allowed to take him home. He wasn't 'well' but he was very slowly getting better. There were a few more complications....more narcotic pain relievers....alot more rocking and singing and praying over him, more tears and more tears.

We have many that we know of praying for Emmanuel and for those of us who take care of him. I find out nearly every day of someone else who emails and says they have been praying for us and want to know how Emmanuel is.

Today, as I sat a moment to rest, I thought of my other eight grandchildren. I particularly thought of my youngest grandson, Samuel who was born about six weeks after Emmanuel. I have never held him or sang to him. I'm not even sure if I bought him something when he was born. I don't know him like I know Emmanuel. I miss that.

It's not 'fair'. Not to Samuel and not to me. But it is what it is. Samuel, along with his brother and sisters and parents are planning to come visit in July. I am looking forward to that so very much! I imagine them all being here and the kids all running around and squeeling in our living room. Emmanuel will love them being here. I plan to get to know my newest grandson. I plan to take HIM shopping and buy HIM an outfit and a toy. I want him to know he is very special to me.

I want Emmanuel to know that he has wonderful cousins and aunts and uncles who love him and pray for him.

The journey of life is a challenging one. I know I am just a pilgrim here.....a stranger in a strange land and I look forward to a better place, where there is no more sickness, no more tears, no more death, no more thousands of miles seperating us from our loved ones. Thank you God for my NINE grandchildren. Every single one of them.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Lost

My blogs have been lost

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Not ME Tuesday

It was NOT ME who took our dog on an outing in the van just to have the dog spot two other dogs and go wild , getting scratched to pieces. NOT ME.

It was NOT ME who went to a resale shop and bought a Ziploc bag of used baby bottles only to get home and find that they were mismatched nipples and bottles and out of the entire bag only three could be put to use.

It was (and still is) NOT ME who can't figure out why the expensive Dr. Brown baby bottles leak when I try to feed my grandson.

It was NOT ME who insisted that I would only use Dr. Browns baby bottles because they were THE BEST on the market. Uh huh, that was not me.

It was NOT ME who personally sucked on several different kinds of baby nipples to see which I would prefer, so I would know which my grandson would also prefer ;)

It was NOT ME who, while putting nose spray in my nose, slipped and squirted it in my eye instead.

It was NOT ME who tried with one eye to look up that nose spray on the internet to see if it would make me go blind.

It was NOT ME who decided before going to church wednesday night that I would use the video time to catch some ZZZ's, but found the video so interesting, I couldn't doze off.

It was NOT ME that was trying to learn to use the new printer and accidentally printed twenty pages of the same picture.

It was NOT ME who, after retrieving a glass of water in the dark, by my bedside, drank the wrong lip of the cup and ended up dousing myself with the entire glass of water. I would never be so dumb.

That's all for this week.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

NOT ME Tuesday

It was not me that was seen at a down town restaurant ALONE, having breakfast and enjoying a new book while my husband became an Iron Chef for the day, cooking chili over at the city Middle School.

It was still not me who went from breakfast to get dessert and a diet coke and went to the park and read three hours enjoying sunshine and peace and quiet.

It is not me who should still be eating healthy and on limited calories. Nope, not me.

It was not me who couldn't sleep at all while staying at the hospital with my grandson because I didn't have my recliner that was at home.

It wasn't me who made the head nurse angry because I mentioned that she was late again with my grandsons pain medications.

It is not me who is thinking of selling my dog because he has become a traitor and continues to pester my neighbor--wanting her to be his master instead of me.

It was not me who sat in a courtroom Monday listening to a constant stream of young (some as young as 13 years old) people stand trial before a judge and feel despondancy blanket my heart.

It was not me who felt like giving up on this next generation who seem so insolent all of the time.

It was not me that wanted to slap their faces off as they continued to disrespect their parents and the judge.

It was not me who was so upset after being in the courtroom listening that I couldn't eat lunch.

It was not me who cried myself to sleep that night.

It was NOT ME who prayed today for my husband to win the Iron Chef chili cook off at the middle school. Why I would NEVER, NEVER pray for him to win over two other members of our church. Not me.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

He Suffered But Opened NOT His Mouth

It's Sunday. The first day of the week. A blessed day of the Lord....and I am weary, I am tired. When I woke this morning, my first thought was, "what day is it?". When I realized it was Sunday, my spirit groaned. Being a ministers wife, Sunday is very much a 'work' day. I have to polish myself up...you know, take a shower, do my hair, put on make up, wear 'look good' clothes and on and on. Then, I MUST smile and smile and smile, setting a good example for the congregation.

These things should not be a burden, but many times they FEEL like burdens that make me weary. I am uncomfortable in the church pews. They make my back hurt worse. So, I take a pain pill before heading out for church.

All of this, I laid at the foot of the cross this morning. How God must sigh when he hears me or sees me feeling as I do. Jesus gave his life on the cross......and I'm griping because I have to sit in a church pew. That's some comparison!

How many times will I hear this morning after I say, "hello, how are you?" to my fellow believers, "I'm tired". Yeah, I feel the same way. Yes, I reckon that Jesus was pretty tired the day he went to Calvary. He had been up all night being whipped and degraded and then he was nailed to a cross. I doubt that Jesus thought, "I'm just too tired to be on the cross today". I'm glad he did what he did for me.

Has anyone else noticed that we have a generation of tired teenagers and twenty year olds? Go ahead. I dare you to ask around today and see how many of them respond with 'I'm tired" when you ask how they are.

When I was young I never thought I was tired. I could stay up most of the night and get up at six in the morning and still feel good. When I was actually, really tired, I would never have admitted it......that would have been weak.

So, I have pondered lately, why is this the most popular statement of the young in 2009? The only thing I can come up with is that they do not want any responsibility. Why else would you tell everyone you knew that you were tired? Do todays youth even know what it is like to feel really tired????? I doubt it. I doubt that I do either.

Oh Lord, God, change my heart. Make my heart pure. Let me be more like you, who suffered and did not open your mouth.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Not ME Tuesday ;)

OK, here goes....
It was not me who screamed "Shut Up" at my husband who did NOT hurt my feelings till I cried like a leaking faucet all over the house.
It was not me who sang bass at church this past Sunday and rather enjoyed it ;)
It was not me who pulled a muscle in her rump and had to sit on a heating pad for four days and is still limping and taking pain pills and muscle relaxers.
It was not me who ate potatoe chips while watching Biggest Loser on TV.
It was not me who ignored the Big Breakfast that my DH bought me Sunday morning and went through the drive through at McDonalds and ordered a dollar sandwhich instead.
It was also not me who asked the worker at the drive through at McDonalds if they were being held hostage when it took eight minutes for them to come and take my order on Sunday morning.
It is not me that has started yet another diet.
It was not me who read two books this past week while sitting on the heating pad.
It was not me who laughed unrepentedly at my daughter, whose daughter put vasaline in her hair, while I remembered my daughter putting Vicks Salve in hers at about the same age.
It was not me who slunk in my seat when my DH invited someone to ride in our van that looks like it hasn't been cleaned out in a year.
It wasn't me who yelled at my husband for throwing a pastry he didn't like out the car window because I wanted to eat it.
That's it for this week. This was rather fun :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

President Obama Stirs Me To Post

This is one of those events in my life where I am surprised at myself. Several years ago as a resident of Illinois, my attention was drawn to a 'young' black man that was running for the Senate. I listened to him speak and tho there were topics that we did not agree on, still he drew me to himself and encouraged my spirit.

Now, this 'young' man is president of my country. I live in Wyoming, far away from the hustle and bustle of the Chicago area where I once lived and where Senator Obama reigned.

I watched, with that same draw this past Tuesday during the swearing in. I wasn't at home. I was at WalMart....and all the TV's blared out the words that were promised by our new president.

I was very interested. I wanted to see this historic event. I have two bi racial children, whose coloring is much like President Obama's.

I know most of my fellow Christians disdain him. I've heard them, loud and clear. I always wonder how God feels about what they say and so loudly proclaim both in public and in private.

I've been quiet about my voting this time. My husband knows who I voted for and my children know. Other than that, it was a private time between my God and I and my country.

As I watched the swearing in, I feared that my intense interest might draw attention from fellow Wyomingites who for the most part are anti Obama folks. Then, I chided myself for my lack of courage. I am an American Citizen who SHOULD be watching the inauguration of our new president.

Do I have fears about him being president? Yes, I do. I vote Independant, but usually Republican. I vote for who I believe will be the one that possess the most integrity, honesty, hard working, God fearing man.

I am not always proven correct by the end of the term. I pray about my decision but once the president has been decided, I am by scripture, commanded to respect and honor and obey him.

I haven't seen this from my fellow Christians lately. I am embarrassed by the words I have heard out of their mouths. It makes me all the more determined that I will NOT speak evil against the one that God has put into office, even if I do not agree, even if he does ungodly things. I was remembering today that when we, as Christians were commanded to 'honor the emperor'...just who that emperor was and what HE stood for. Shudder!

Oh God, make me an instrument of your peace, Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Cup of Mocha, Please

As you have read in a previous posting, our old dog, Sami was laid to rest December 31st of last year. Knowing that the day was coming when he would have to give up his life, my youngest daughter, Sarah bought me a puppy last July for my birthday. This puppy is a Chihuahua that my sweet husband, Kevin named "Mocha".

Mocha is now seven months old. He doesn't look like a puppy anymore, but he is DEFINATELY still abiding by puppy laws.

First and foremost he is very cute and very sweet. I am a sap for those big brown eyes of his. He can be so very naughty and yet look at me with those big browns and I melt...well, almost all of the time.

Not so melting am I when I see HOLES he has put in our carpet. We've tried vinegar, we've tried cayenne pepper sprinkled around so he doesn't think the carpet is one of his gazillion toys to 'play' with. Didn't work.

The vet said to get chewy toys for him so he has something to chew on. He has dozens....didn't work.

We've read on internet web sites to give the pups more attention...that they are lacking in attention when pups behave in this fashion. We gave more attention (was this even possible???) and still....didn't work.

We have contracted with a carpet fixer to have the carpet repaired. If this continues, we will have to replace the carpet (we rent).

The weather here in Wyoming can get very cold, especially at night. So, instead of using the doggie outhouse (grass), our Mocha uses the throw rug by the doggie door. It IS better than him using the carpet...yes yes.....but still, he KNOWS that is wrong and slinks around the morning after.

When guests come, he jumps and barks. When guests leave, he jumps and barks. When anyone walks past our house....he runs like an attack dog and barks. If you leave something (like my panties) on the floor in your room...you know, a PRIVATE place in the house.....he finds them and carries them to the front deck to greet your guests that are coming for lunch. How appetizing.

But, at the close of day....when my work is done, and I am in my nightgown and snuggled in my recliner....he is also in the crook of my arm, nuzzling close and snoozing away. What peace he brings to me.

I'll make it through another day if you will just give me "another cup of Mocha, please".

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Church Business Meetings

It's business meeting Saturday. Honestly, I hate these once a month or once a quarter meetings. My stress level is soaring, no matter how much I am praying for the men involved and especially for my precious and dear husband.

It almost irratates me that Kevin says that he is peaceful over the meeting. Doesn't he realize all that can go wrong during one of these?

I am sure it is my past experiences--probably some intermingled Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome that needs to be addressed with my counsellor :)

I am waiting at home to pray and wonder and fret (even tho God has said "Fret Not!"), wringing my hands in anticipation of seeing what the look on my husbands face will be when he returns home. I hate this.

I am sure that is not the good Christian ministers wife attitude that I should have. But here I am, confessing it is the one that pervades my mind today.

What will be the outcome of the difficult things the men are discussing? Will it be that our burdens as ministers will be heavier? Lighter? About the same?

Will the men be one in mind and spirit and come to agreement.

***********
My husband has returned from the mens meeting. The information that he shares with me is not good. The traumatic stress is up front and in my face again. I feel so frustrated that so many men do not stand up for what is good and right and just let things slide. I've seen it all my life and it not only irks me, it grieves me. Where are the leaders that GOD would raise up?

There's much, as a ministers wife that I cannot write here just because of who I am and the job that is entrusted to me. I am seared this morning.

If you are a believer and you pray, please pray for us. There are decisions to be made that are not easy ones. They are grevious to us. Not what we had planned. Sigh.

It would be great if Jesus would just return and we could be done with all this earth trash.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Do You Take Kevin?

Remember the words the minister said..."Do you take Kevin?"....to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward....blah, blah, blah

It's been 31 years 4 months and 4 days and one hour ago. I didn't know way back then, what a wonderful, wonderful man God had blessed me with. I thought I knew. There was no way I could have known or foreseen what the years ahead would bring and how Kevin and I would meld together and become one.

This man, this wonderful, precious and sweet man is my husband. Sometimes I am still overwhelmed with the wonder of it.

We have gone through many seasons in our life together. After marrying we had all of about two months before I got pregnant with our first child. He was born about a month and a half before our first wedding anniversary. We really never knew time just the two of us as our first pregnancy was one where I threw up every single day, several times a day, and fainted at the most inoportune times.

Israel was born in July, I miscarried shortly thereafter and then was pregnant again in January, birthed second child in October, miscarried shortly thereafter and then pregnant again in March and delivered third baby in December. Had my tubes tied and found out I was pregnant at my six weeks check up. OOPS. We miscarried that baby and had another tubaligation.

When our third child was a year old, we put in an application to become foster parents. We've had 17 foster children over the years. Ten years after our first child, we adopted two children, twins--a boy and a girl, newborn.

Total children: 5.

Days were taken up in the intensity of having three babies in three years and grieving the death of three other infants. The intensity sometimes was overwhelming, but it also was full of laughter, joy at watching the ever learning and growing children, celebrating EVERY holiday, finding reasons to have another party and in all of that, Kevin and I were growing up, too.

Kevin and I shared parenthood. When the older kids were preschool, Kevin would come home from work and while I cleaned up after dinner, Kevin would run the kids through their baths, dress them for bed and then tell them a story and pray with them.

This ritual was repeated with differing details even as the children grew older. They loved their daddys stories and just the other day, Jonathan (now 20 years old) referenced a story that Kevin had told when Jon was about four years old. ha.

The kids continued to get older.....the intensity of having babies changed to the intensity of elementary school, then junior high and then high school. We had teenagers for thirteen years! We went through changing diapers to changing hairstyles, gobs of hairspray, rolled hem jeans, Israel wearing only black or grey, puffed bangs, t-ball, regular ball, basketball, Little Miss Texas, football, learning to play various instruments, having valedictorians, historians and barely graduating by the skin of their teeth.

College came and went, some graduated, some did not....and then, Daddy Kevin got his degree....with his grown kids cheering him on. Go Kevin.

We moved 47 times, created many houses into homes, realized home was the people (us), lived in many different states, met many wonderful people, grew and changed and journeyed together spiritually, studying the Bible and making many decisions.

We have been empty nesters and then welcomed children back home. Discovered grandchildren are awesome! We now have nine.

We are still becoming one and Kevin still says, "I do".

We have entered the last half of our lives. We contemplate 'going home' and the joy that will follow for us. Our lives now are pretty much lives of service for others. Kevin is getting his Masters in Counselling. He NEEDS to learn more about that so our service will be more profitable for others. It stretches us and grows us for him to pursue this. It is good.

Our lives continue to change, to become more one, to have great joys and deep sorrows and dissappointments. Our parents are getting quite old. I have one grandparent left alive on the earth. Our parents have aging issues. We live a long way from them. That is hard. We understand each others feelings about this because we share it.

Our children are across the country in Virginia and Chicago...and two are here. Likewise, grandchildren.

When we were first married Kevin held me and said, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be" and clearly, he spoke the truth. Every new day is the best. Do I take Kevin? Yes, still do...more than ever.....