Trusting God With My Health Issues

I went to sleep about 2:30 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 6:30!!!!! I am amazed. All kinds of stuff was going on around me and there I slept, right in the middle of it. I KNOW that was a gift of kindness from my Heavenly Father. He knew that I needed that and I am grateful.

We ate some supper and watched a movie that my friend, Katrina brought over. It was a good one--inspirational, with a good ending. Just what we both needed to watch on a 'night like this'.

I finally had to face the fact that I am supposed to teach a class in the morning. Yes, I said TOMORROW MORNING!!!!

I THOUGHT I knew where my material was. I was going to use the material that I prepared for our Ladies Retreat. I went to where I KNEW (!!!!) it was and all that was there was file folders. No materials.

Oh my! I closed my eyes and prayed (trying to keep my rising panic at bay).......I opened my eyes and they alighted on a file box in my (very full to overflowing) closet. I began to grin. I walked into my closet, picked up the file box.....and there were all my Ladies Retreat materials. See how kind our God is.

I looked through the three lessons, refreshing my mind (it HAS been since end of April after all) as to what I had studied. I love these women and know they will carry the ball for me....all I have to do is introduce and prompt.....they all love the Lord and it will all work out.

I finished looking the material over and then came in here to the computer. The first thing I saw was an email from my doctors nurse...Kelci....telling me that I have an appointment for that echo cardiagram (the ultrasound on my heart) tomorrow morning at TEN. That is the exact time our ladies Bible class is. Satan IS a wiley character.

I sat here staring at that email and wondering what should I do?

I decided to reply to Kelci's email and ask her to reschedule it for me. I NEED the ladies class and I need to be reminded and encouraged in my faith FIRST. Then, I can have the echo cardiagram.

God is not moved by my circumstances. As a dear friend of mine said, 'how often have I said that to others' and I need to say that to myself now.

It isn't that I think God is punishing me. It is that I am harvesting the fruit of my own doing. God doesn't promise to remove the harvest of our sins. Quite the contrary. When I look at my very fat body.....I am looking at the harvest. I know....it's more than that, but when you get it down to the 'brass tacs'....it is what it is.

The fat didn't cause the back issues (I don't believe), but it does complicate it. It complicates greatly.

Kevin and I have weathered tough times before and God has always seen us through. He will this time, too. We know that in our heart of hearts.....now, we have to walk it out. It is very much a walk of faith, by faith and in faith.

I am having muscle spasms today. Worse than in a long time. I am thinking it is probably the stress. I thought for awhile that I might have to go to the ER and get a shot to make them relax, but it seems some better right now. Kevin massaged the muscles and that seemed to help, too.

My dear friend, in an email wrote: "God allows us to be afraid because he wants to comfort us."

I see that. I also think He allows us to be afraid because He wants us to TRUST Him. He also wants us to be a testimony of Himself...testifying to God's goodness and comfort and trustworthiness.

He is a good and loving Heavenly Father.

I do receive my friends wisdom (in her letter to me) in that I should give myself time to wring my hands, have tantrums and some inward screaming :)

I also plan to share with my lady friends tomorrow and ask for their encouragement and support. They have proven themselves to be faithful friends.

May I rest in the sweet arms of Jesus tonight as I sleep, laying my health burdens down at His feet.

I remain the HANDMAIDEN OF GOD...LET IT BE TO ME AS GOD HAS PLANNED AND SAID

Plants And A Bird Bath

I was enjoying some time sitting on my porch swing this morning and noticed that my outside plants were needing a drink of water.

I turned on the hose, gave the plants a drink and then noticed that the bird bath also needed refilling. This is a new thing for me. Plants and a bird bath. It is a beautiful morning. The sun is shining and the underground watering system is on making the water droplets sparkle like diamonds on the grass. It is an idyllic scene.

Then, the detail part of my brain kicks in. Not only did the bird bath bring birds, which caused great rejoicing, but all of a sudden, I see what the birds brought. Birdie poo!

Yep, sure enough, I notice A spot on the deck. I move the hose to hit the white mound. It doesn't move. I adjust the nozzle so that the force of the water increases. A direct hit removes the unwanted spot.

There is another dawning in my thought process. I begin to peruse more of the deck area. More white spots. I glance at the patio chairs....oh no....more white spots.

I continue to blast the dookey crop with the water. Some of the spots have been there awhile and are dried hard onto the wood. Those, I have to soak awhile, go away and then come back to them.

Before watering the plants I had been reading a book called Walking With God by John Eldridge. My mind is already primed by my reading for hearing messages from God.

Clear as day, I see a parrallel.

The lesson springs forth.

The sin in my life is so much like what I have just experienced. I can almost hear Jesus, as he sits on my swing, talking to me about that bird dookey and my every day life.

God's mercies are new EVERY morning. I am washed clean. I sin ( the bird dookey). If I repent quickly, the sin washes away so easily. If I let the sin sit there awhile, it hardens in my life....

When I repent...the effects of those hardened on sins take awhile to get washed out of my life. Sometimes I have to return to them over and over to get them totally wiped out of my heart.

Sometimes, I don't even notice the sin just like I had not noticed the birdie poo. It has been days since I washed the deck off (shall I confess, that in reality, it has been weeks!!!).

Now that I have noticed one spot, I look, and the mess is everywhere. How could I have been so blinded as not to have seen it before today. I KNOW it has HAD to have been there. I walked over it. I lived with it. I probably even SAT IN IT.

Ah...but the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

I finished cleaning off the deck and sat back down on the porch swing. I watched the water dripping off the patio table. Again, I see a lesson. Once I've been washed clean ...there is an after affect in the spiritual as well. That grace just keeps on dripping.

My pant legs are damp from the washing..........and my heart is cleansed from the dawning of the realization. I will carry the lesson with me throughout the morning....until I get distracted and dried out and birds come in and poo .....

I could wash the deck every morning....but will I? What will I let interupt me tomorrow? What have I let interupt me that I thought more important in previous days?

Thank you, Jesus. You have cleaned my heart as I have cleaned my deck. I sure am glad you dropped by this morning.

In The Beginning/Happy Fathers Day

On June 3rd, 1977 I went to church as usual and while we were singing, I heard the most beautiful tenor voice in the back of our building. I knew this had to be a visitor because we didn't have a member that sang so wonderfully.

Sure enough, after church I glanced towards the back of the room and there was this very cute, curly headed, college age man. Nice. I poked my dad on the shoulder and asked him if he would go meet the new guy.

I rushed home to help mom with the final preparations for our lunch and when dad came in I asked about the new, cute boy at church. Dad informed me that he was visiting from Texas because his car broke down.

Texas, huh? Well, THAT was a long way from Illinois where I was living.

About that time, the phone rang and it was Nina, our ministers' wife and my current best friend. She was wondering if I would like to come over and sing because the VISITOR from church this morning was staying at their house.

I quickly checked the mirror, donned a clean, blue, baby doll blouse and headed over to Nina's house--three houses away.

There he was. His name was Kevin. That day we started talking and we kept talking and we kept talking. We started singing and we kept singing and we kept singing...and then talking some more.

The third day after we met, Kevin turned to me and looked deeply into my eyes. I KNEW he was going to ask me to marry him (odd as that sounds now). His eyes bore deeply into mine and then? A panicked look took over his face and he started singing another hymn in the song book that we shared. Sigh. Maybe I was wrong.

Kevin told me much later that he was indeed all set to propose but had a panic attack and chickened out :)

We spent two weeks together, me working during the day and spending time with Kevin during the evenings. We really didn't 'go out' or date...we just talked and sang and asked each other questions.

Kevin's car got fixed and with a box of freshly baked brownies from me on the front seat of his Volkswagon, off he went back to Texas.

Kevin called every night and we talked some more. Then, he invited me to come to Texas to meet his family.

I had a weeks vacation offered to me by my boss, Dr.Akers (which was a bit strange because I had only been working at NIU Health Clinic for three months).

So, I went to Texas. My one week vacation was extended to three weeks because I had appendicitis and had to have surgery.

Kevin and I talked about getting married in the spring. When I returned to Illinois, I went and put a wedding dress on lay away and began planning a spring wedding. Kevin called. He was cold, cold, cold on the phone. No more talks of weddings...but there was talk of putting things "on hold".

I was hurt. I was mad. I told him to forget it all and hung up the phone. I informed my mother that if Kevin called again, I would leave and she could tell him that I was not home.

I sat down and wrote Kevin (what we now laughingly call my 'hate letter') a hate letter. I was not nice and basically told him that if he thought I was going to be his puppet on a string to be pulled here or there, he could rethink the whole situation.

About a week later I got a phone call around ten at night. It was Kevin. The first words out of his mouth were, "Don't hang up".....I think he had 'got the message' through my hate letter.

That was exactly what did happen. Kevin had a loving letter from me in one hand and 'the hate letter' in the other and went to his parents and showed them both and asked what they thought.

Kevin wanted to call me right then and ask me to marry him...as soon as I wanted to. His parents gave their blessing.

A week and a half later....we were married. It was September 3, 1977 in DeKalb, IL at the Church of Christ where I had grown up and been in church since I was five years old.

That was over thirty years ago and Kevin is now my precious husband and father of our five children. Happy Fathers Day, Kevin. May it be a blessed one for you.

Love,
Your JOY

The Denver/Billings Journey--Prayer Warriors at work.

All of the women who read this will totally understand when I say that having a 'seated' MRI is like having a body mammogram. The magnets squished me and pulled me and then I was told to 'sit still'. Uh huh!

I know I should be grateful--and truly I am grateful, that we found an MRI that I could sit in instead of lay down. No one said what size the seat was, though :( I was perched on that little seat for about one hour with the orders, 'do not move'.

I admit, I lost it one time. I cried like a baby and embarrassed myself. Then, I closed my eyes and focused on the Lord. I knew so many of you were praying for me and right then, I could feel the effect of those prayers. It was as if God engulfed me with angels that ministered comfort to me. I took as deep a breath as the squishing machine would allow me and opened my eyes. It was no picnic to endure the rest of the medical test, but I did endure and we finished the test.

We drove to Denver Sunday afternoon (June 1-08) arriving there around 8 p.m. Kevin suggested that we stay in the Ramada, but the 'always looking for a better deal' Joyce, saw 'The Knights Inn' next door and thought we could save some money staying there instead.

OK. Longsuffering Kevin pulled into the Knights Inn and got us a room. Having waited the last thirty miles to stop for a bathroom break, I headed to the potty first thing. While sitting on the throne I first noticed a strange pattern on the floor of the bathroom. Upon closer inspection, I saw it was hair! I know my eyebrows lifted and my gag reflex began working overtime. I finished my 'business' and then dampened some toilet paper, intent upon cleaning up that hair before Kevin entered the bathroom area.

The more I swiped at the hair, the more hair I saw on the floor. Uck!

I went over to the sink to wash my hands and saw whisker hairs surrounding the sink. Oh ugh! Again, I took a swatch of toilet paper and went to dampen it. When I lifted the sink handle, the whole device came out of the sink. Oh my!

I had visions of water squirting out of the hole, but it didn't. However, under the sink, a metal piece fell to the floor. I bent over to look under the sink to see what had fallen.....and to my utter dismay under the sink had dead bugs, gobs of hair of various sorts, and bits of this and that.

I sat down once again on the comode to think this through. I could pitch a fit and we would go to another hotel. I was so tired by now that I ALMOST didn't care how dirty the room was if I could find a mostly clean place to go to sleep.

We travel with my recliner, so MY sleeping place would be fine. Kevin inspected the bed and found that the sheets LOOKED clean. OK. We can deal with this. I didn't go into the bathroom barefooted any longer, but we decided that if our dear friends, Tom and Sheila could live and minister in Mexico, we could certainly stay one night in this not so good hotel.

The next morning we got up and prepared ourselves for the upcoming medical test. We ran through a Burger King drive through and Mr. Kevin ordered a coffee with one cream and one sugar. To our astonishment, the person on the inside, taking our order asked, "Would you like onions with that?".

We looked at each other, eyebrows lifted and we both shrugged and Kevin hesitantly answered, 'uh, No, thank you"...and then we both fell into laughter. The embarrassed young man replied, "Sorry about that". Our orders were fine and we celebrated being able to eat at a Burger King (we don't have that in Worland) and went on about our day.

We finished in Denver around noon, caught a quick bite of lunch and were on our way to Billings, Montana. We watched a fabulous storm as we neared Billings. We saw several funnel looking fingers coming out of clouds. We stayed at the Hospitality House associated with the Church of Christ in Billings. It was a restful cottage that blessed us so much.

I met with my Endocrinologist Tuesday morning who was encouraged by all my medical numbers, and after taking more blood from me, we took our leave and were on our way to lunch and Walmart. I have to tell you, we went to FIVE WalMarts during our journey. ha. I use some 'over the counter' medicine that seems harder and harder to find, so when we are at any WalMart we look to see if they have any and always buy whatever amount they have in stock. Then, using my electric powered cart, I scooted all over those WalMarts looking at all the racks marked "Clearance".

I got some wonderful deals. I found some shirts for our grandsons (a dollar each!!!) and some maternity clothes for Sarah (also $1 and $3 and $5 each) and two winter shirts for me (I thought for next year, but it is cold enough I am wearing one today!!!!).

We got back to Worland around 8 on Tuesday evening. My living room/dining room and kitchen still are covered in "unpacking the car" stuff. I haven't had a moment yet to get it all in order and you KNOW that is bugging me.

After we got home and had many hugs from our reunion with daughter, Sarah, we went over to the Blakes and let our Sarah have opportunity to deliver a baby bed to their Sarah for the arrival of her new baby. Our Sarah found this beautiful baby bed at a garage sale on Saturday and just had to get it for Sarah Blake. Our Sarah's giving and generous spirit touches my heart.

Yesterday I went to the government appointed doctor in Greybull for my approval for disability. It was a useless 'exam' and I came away frustrated and feeling misunderstood. I don't believe that he got the picture of my life at all.

I rarely give in to feelings of pity for myself, but I did yesterday. So much "stuff" came tumbling down upon my overwhelmed shoulders.

Poor Joyce, Poor Joyce!

OK, enough of that! I dried my eyes and took many deep, cleansing breaths, prayed, forgave myself, asked the Lord to forgive me, too and went about my day. I also had accupuncture yesterday. After that, I blessed myself with a nap before church....and so was able to go.

Thus, my house still looks 'unpacked' and fluffed and my spirit is a grating unease over that. There is only one way to fix it--I must face it and clean and put away. I meet with my counsellor this morning over at Cloud Peak Mental Health.....so that should be refreshing (I hope) and then, the rest of the day SHOULD be mine to try and house recover from my trip.

I couldn't have made it through all this without the help of my prayer warriors (who are still praying, according to the emails I have received). I am strengthened in my spirit through your prayers.