Trusting God With My Health Issues

I went to sleep about 2:30 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 6:30!!!!! I am amazed. All kinds of stuff was going on around me and there I slept, right in the middle of it. I KNOW that was a gift of kindness from my Heavenly Father. He knew that I needed that and I am grateful.

We ate some supper and watched a movie that my friend, Katrina brought over. It was a good one--inspirational, with a good ending. Just what we both needed to watch on a 'night like this'.

I finally had to face the fact that I am supposed to teach a class in the morning. Yes, I said TOMORROW MORNING!!!!

I THOUGHT I knew where my material was. I was going to use the material that I prepared for our Ladies Retreat. I went to where I KNEW (!!!!) it was and all that was there was file folders. No materials.

Oh my! I closed my eyes and prayed (trying to keep my rising panic at bay).......I opened my eyes and they alighted on a file box in my (very full to overflowing) closet. I began to grin. I walked into my closet, picked up the file box.....and there were all my Ladies Retreat materials. See how kind our God is.

I looked through the three lessons, refreshing my mind (it HAS been since end of April after all) as to what I had studied. I love these women and know they will carry the ball for me....all I have to do is introduce and prompt.....they all love the Lord and it will all work out.

I finished looking the material over and then came in here to the computer. The first thing I saw was an email from my doctors nurse...Kelci....telling me that I have an appointment for that echo cardiagram (the ultrasound on my heart) tomorrow morning at TEN. That is the exact time our ladies Bible class is. Satan IS a wiley character.

I sat here staring at that email and wondering what should I do?

I decided to reply to Kelci's email and ask her to reschedule it for me. I NEED the ladies class and I need to be reminded and encouraged in my faith FIRST. Then, I can have the echo cardiagram.

God is not moved by my circumstances. As a dear friend of mine said, 'how often have I said that to others' and I need to say that to myself now.

It isn't that I think God is punishing me. It is that I am harvesting the fruit of my own doing. God doesn't promise to remove the harvest of our sins. Quite the contrary. When I look at my very fat body.....I am looking at the harvest. I know....it's more than that, but when you get it down to the 'brass tacs'....it is what it is.

The fat didn't cause the back issues (I don't believe), but it does complicate it. It complicates greatly.

Kevin and I have weathered tough times before and God has always seen us through. He will this time, too. We know that in our heart of hearts.....now, we have to walk it out. It is very much a walk of faith, by faith and in faith.

I am having muscle spasms today. Worse than in a long time. I am thinking it is probably the stress. I thought for awhile that I might have to go to the ER and get a shot to make them relax, but it seems some better right now. Kevin massaged the muscles and that seemed to help, too.

My dear friend, in an email wrote: "God allows us to be afraid because he wants to comfort us."

I see that. I also think He allows us to be afraid because He wants us to TRUST Him. He also wants us to be a testimony of Himself...testifying to God's goodness and comfort and trustworthiness.

He is a good and loving Heavenly Father.

I do receive my friends wisdom (in her letter to me) in that I should give myself time to wring my hands, have tantrums and some inward screaming :)

I also plan to share with my lady friends tomorrow and ask for their encouragement and support. They have proven themselves to be faithful friends.

May I rest in the sweet arms of Jesus tonight as I sleep, laying my health burdens down at His feet.

I remain the HANDMAIDEN OF GOD...LET IT BE TO ME AS GOD HAS PLANNED AND SAID