A MOMENT IN TIME

I am SO tired. I am only 53, but I feel 83!!!!

I have worked hard all day, mostly in the kitchen cooking for a church dinner tomorrow. I enjoy cooking and a church dinner gives me the opportunity to cook things that I normally wouldn't cook just for us at home. Especially, the desserts.

I know I have gone overboard, but I have made THREE different desserts for our gathering tomorrow.

I love reading Amish books. The descriptions of their gathering times on Sundays is amusing and horrifying to me. They meet for at least three hours. They sit on benches made of wood and no padding. The men sit on one side and the women on the other. The children sit with the women.

I enjoy pondering and learning from the Amish, but I am grateful for our padded pews in our auditorium and our nicely padded chairs in the fellowship room.

Tonight I am just 'dog tired'. In a few minutes I plan to shower and hit the recliner with my book and veg until sleep overtakes me.

We have a new baby in our house and he is often passed around from one set of arms to another so we can keep him always happy.

It's been a long time since we've had a baby in our house. Truthfully, I am LOVING it. The crying no longer intimidates me. I am grandma:)

I tell Emmanuel that he and I are going to be great buddies. I will be 'babysitting' him once Sarah goes back to work. He will be with me five to eight hours a day--just me and him. I imagine all the things we will share together and I feel so priveledged. How long until my daughter exerts her adulthood and finds a place for the two of them? I don't know.

I want to take this opportunity and use every minute for the glory of God. I may not ever have the chance to be with Sarah or Emmanuel LIKE THIS ever again. I am so blessed.

So, tho I AM tired....I am also ecstatically joyful and content. Tho' my bones ache and my hands are throbbing and my back feels like it will fall to pieces any moment....I am full of the JOY of the LORD....HE has granted me this wonderful moment in time.

Emmanuel Neil

On August 22nd, 2008 my grandson, Emmanuel Neil made his entrance into the world. My daughter, Sarah labored 54 hours and then had a C-section. How does God labor to bring us into His Kingdom? I have been pondering that. It's quite a question.

Happy Birthday

Today is my 53rd birthday.

I have been blessed to complete my 52nd year. I am planning to enjoy myself today. It is a good thing to do.

I have already allowed myself to spend over an hour reading a good book this morning. I treated myself to a McDonalds breakfast. My husband gave me a wonderful card that plays music (he and I LOVE these cards). Sarah bought me a dog --a Chihauhau for my birthday and Kevin bought me my cuckoo clock and had it repaired and hung it on the wall. He is also blessing me with doing household chores that are difficult for me to do--he thought of that gift all by himself. I LOVE IT!

I got money from my mom and dad and have ordered myself a blouse with it. I got a card from my brother. I got some raspberries from a friend. Another friend is taking me to lunch this afternoon.

When I began my 52nd year, I honestly thought it would be my last. Just a feeling I had. My 52nd year...... Two grand babies were conceived. We got to go on a vacation in November to Missouri, Illinois and Colorado. I got to see all my children then. Sarah came home. I had two surgeries to repair my hands. I continued to exercise. I lost and regained 35 lbs. Two good friends died. I did not move to a new house :)

There are many other things I could mention, but the point of today, is that my 52nd year is over and the heaviness I felt would be for that year of my life has lifted.

In the next few weeks I will have a new grandbaby; Our lives will change, as this grand baby and her mama (our daughter Sarah) live with us.

LIFE will be a blessing. Such a good gift from our Heavenly Father. In October we will have another grandbaby. More life.....

Thank you God...I anticipate a new year of walking with you.

This Old House

A few days ago I received a photo through email from my mother in law. She had been to Texas on a visit and went back to the town we lived in where our daughter, Rachel was born. She took a picture of Rachels first home.

This house sits upon many, many acres of land. There is a barn where we stored unused items and behind the barn was our chicken pen. Over the hill was a small cabin where hunters stayed during deer season.

It was a beautiful place.

Since receiving the picture from my mother in law, I have stared and stared at our old house. It hasn't been lived in for quite awhile. The outside paint is peeling; the screen door is torn and hanging slightly crooked; if the porch and sidewalk are there, you can't see them for the tall weeds in the front yard. We notice a window unit AC that wasn't there when we were.

We lived there during the hottest Texas summer in 100 years--without AC. We had one box fan and I was pregnant.

As I've pondered on that precious old house, I remember the story that Jesus told about two houses. One was built on a firm foundation--a rock. The storms came and beat upon that house and it stood firm. The other house was built on sand. Sand shifts and changes. The storms came and beat upon that house and it fell. Jesus says, "and great was the fall of it".

How am I doing building 'my' house? Is my life firmly planted on the rock, Jesus? When the storms of life beat upon me; when the winds of change knock me off my feet; and hail comes....am I standing firm because I am built up on the rock?

Or, is my house built upon the sand? Am I living my life trying to conform myself to this world...where fashions change EACH season; price of gasoline changes each day? Am I like that? How great will be my fall?

No, I am built upon the rock. When I am battered about by my enemies, I close my eyes in prayer and find my center, my firm rock--Jesus. Tho all turn against me....my Master holds me fast. When I am accused falsly, I run to the Truth.

I am glad that I learned to follow Jesus early in my life. I've been on the rock for43 years. Jesus updates me, repaints me, redecorates my interior (heart) and I am firmly established.

I Have Finished The Course

2 Timothy 4:7
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith."

Yesterday I read in a church bulletin that a precious, old friend of mine had died. For nine years, on and off, this precious sister in Christ, sat in front of me every church service. She was old enough to be my grandmother, had wonderful bright red hair and wore shiny gold shoes and lots of gold jewelry. Her face was carefully made up with make up and she always greeted me with a smile. She took an interest in all my children and grand children; rejoicing with me as each new grand child was born and asking to see pictures (every grand mothers great joy).

When we moved away, we kept in touch by letters (REAL ones, snail mail). She came to our house before we moved to Wyoming to join in our celebration of the twins graduation from High School. She laughed with me and she cried with me. I always loved it when she would take hold of my hand and pat it....telling me that everything would work out and to keep strong in my faith.

Now, my sister that I affectionately called, "My Gold Lady" has completed her race and gone on to be with the Lord; joining the great cloud of witnesses that will shout encouragement to me so that I, too will keep the faith, run the race and finish my own journey.

I knew Rena was struggling with her health. She had been on life support for quite awhile now. I continued to write her, knowing that she was unable to write back. It didn't matter. She was there for me when I was so grieved that I couldn't speak....now, it was my turn to 'talk' to her when she no longer could speak back. I read of her passing in a church bulletin. I wept. I rejoiced with her that she had no more pain and no more struggles on this earth. But, for myself, I wept tears of loss.

Loss of a fellow comrade in the race. Loss of someone who demanded nothing of me yet accepted everything I had to give with a smile and eyes that glittered. I shall miss her presence here. I shall also carry her memory in my heart--a memory that will continue to encourage me.

When I visit my grand mother in the nursing home(she is 96 and has many physical ailments that cause her much pain), she has asked me "why won't the Lord just let me go home?"

She is tired and full of pain. She misses my grand father. She misses her comrades. She feels like Elijah "I am the only one left".

I never felt like I had a good answer for Gran. Now, with Rena's passing and my ponderings, I think I have the answer to that question. Gran is not finished with her race; Grans fight is not over; She still must keep the faith while fighting and running. It's a simple answer really. God knows the beginning AND the end of our lives before we are born. They are written in His book.

It is not yet time. Not for Gran. Not for me.

I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. After receiving the prognosis of probable eventual confinement to a wheelchair, I have wondered, cried and prayed about what God wants of me....LIKE THAT! I have struggled against it; prayed against it; cried in torrents, wondering....'what is the point of THIS?"

Now, I know. I haven't yet finished the course. The course (that I planned) has changed, but it is still my course to run.

Maybe I can be someones "gold lady". I can be a smile of encouragement. I can be an 'ear' in the body of Christ. I can ask about children and grand children and rejoice with each new birth into their family. I can still HUG! I can still PRAY! I can still TEACH! I can still GIVE!

"Lord, Let me fight the good fight YOU have laid out before me; Let me complete my race; Let me keep my faith.......until you call me home where there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness."

Trusting God With My Health Issues

I went to sleep about 2:30 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 6:30!!!!! I am amazed. All kinds of stuff was going on around me and there I slept, right in the middle of it. I KNOW that was a gift of kindness from my Heavenly Father. He knew that I needed that and I am grateful.

We ate some supper and watched a movie that my friend, Katrina brought over. It was a good one--inspirational, with a good ending. Just what we both needed to watch on a 'night like this'.

I finally had to face the fact that I am supposed to teach a class in the morning. Yes, I said TOMORROW MORNING!!!!

I THOUGHT I knew where my material was. I was going to use the material that I prepared for our Ladies Retreat. I went to where I KNEW (!!!!) it was and all that was there was file folders. No materials.

Oh my! I closed my eyes and prayed (trying to keep my rising panic at bay).......I opened my eyes and they alighted on a file box in my (very full to overflowing) closet. I began to grin. I walked into my closet, picked up the file box.....and there were all my Ladies Retreat materials. See how kind our God is.

I looked through the three lessons, refreshing my mind (it HAS been since end of April after all) as to what I had studied. I love these women and know they will carry the ball for me....all I have to do is introduce and prompt.....they all love the Lord and it will all work out.

I finished looking the material over and then came in here to the computer. The first thing I saw was an email from my doctors nurse...Kelci....telling me that I have an appointment for that echo cardiagram (the ultrasound on my heart) tomorrow morning at TEN. That is the exact time our ladies Bible class is. Satan IS a wiley character.

I sat here staring at that email and wondering what should I do?

I decided to reply to Kelci's email and ask her to reschedule it for me. I NEED the ladies class and I need to be reminded and encouraged in my faith FIRST. Then, I can have the echo cardiagram.

God is not moved by my circumstances. As a dear friend of mine said, 'how often have I said that to others' and I need to say that to myself now.

It isn't that I think God is punishing me. It is that I am harvesting the fruit of my own doing. God doesn't promise to remove the harvest of our sins. Quite the contrary. When I look at my very fat body.....I am looking at the harvest. I know....it's more than that, but when you get it down to the 'brass tacs'....it is what it is.

The fat didn't cause the back issues (I don't believe), but it does complicate it. It complicates greatly.

Kevin and I have weathered tough times before and God has always seen us through. He will this time, too. We know that in our heart of hearts.....now, we have to walk it out. It is very much a walk of faith, by faith and in faith.

I am having muscle spasms today. Worse than in a long time. I am thinking it is probably the stress. I thought for awhile that I might have to go to the ER and get a shot to make them relax, but it seems some better right now. Kevin massaged the muscles and that seemed to help, too.

My dear friend, in an email wrote: "God allows us to be afraid because he wants to comfort us."

I see that. I also think He allows us to be afraid because He wants us to TRUST Him. He also wants us to be a testimony of Himself...testifying to God's goodness and comfort and trustworthiness.

He is a good and loving Heavenly Father.

I do receive my friends wisdom (in her letter to me) in that I should give myself time to wring my hands, have tantrums and some inward screaming :)

I also plan to share with my lady friends tomorrow and ask for their encouragement and support. They have proven themselves to be faithful friends.

May I rest in the sweet arms of Jesus tonight as I sleep, laying my health burdens down at His feet.

I remain the HANDMAIDEN OF GOD...LET IT BE TO ME AS GOD HAS PLANNED AND SAID

Plants And A Bird Bath

I was enjoying some time sitting on my porch swing this morning and noticed that my outside plants were needing a drink of water.

I turned on the hose, gave the plants a drink and then noticed that the bird bath also needed refilling. This is a new thing for me. Plants and a bird bath. It is a beautiful morning. The sun is shining and the underground watering system is on making the water droplets sparkle like diamonds on the grass. It is an idyllic scene.

Then, the detail part of my brain kicks in. Not only did the bird bath bring birds, which caused great rejoicing, but all of a sudden, I see what the birds brought. Birdie poo!

Yep, sure enough, I notice A spot on the deck. I move the hose to hit the white mound. It doesn't move. I adjust the nozzle so that the force of the water increases. A direct hit removes the unwanted spot.

There is another dawning in my thought process. I begin to peruse more of the deck area. More white spots. I glance at the patio chairs....oh no....more white spots.

I continue to blast the dookey crop with the water. Some of the spots have been there awhile and are dried hard onto the wood. Those, I have to soak awhile, go away and then come back to them.

Before watering the plants I had been reading a book called Walking With God by John Eldridge. My mind is already primed by my reading for hearing messages from God.

Clear as day, I see a parrallel.

The lesson springs forth.

The sin in my life is so much like what I have just experienced. I can almost hear Jesus, as he sits on my swing, talking to me about that bird dookey and my every day life.

God's mercies are new EVERY morning. I am washed clean. I sin ( the bird dookey). If I repent quickly, the sin washes away so easily. If I let the sin sit there awhile, it hardens in my life....

When I repent...the effects of those hardened on sins take awhile to get washed out of my life. Sometimes I have to return to them over and over to get them totally wiped out of my heart.

Sometimes, I don't even notice the sin just like I had not noticed the birdie poo. It has been days since I washed the deck off (shall I confess, that in reality, it has been weeks!!!).

Now that I have noticed one spot, I look, and the mess is everywhere. How could I have been so blinded as not to have seen it before today. I KNOW it has HAD to have been there. I walked over it. I lived with it. I probably even SAT IN IT.

Ah...but the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

I finished cleaning off the deck and sat back down on the porch swing. I watched the water dripping off the patio table. Again, I see a lesson. Once I've been washed clean ...there is an after affect in the spiritual as well. That grace just keeps on dripping.

My pant legs are damp from the washing..........and my heart is cleansed from the dawning of the realization. I will carry the lesson with me throughout the morning....until I get distracted and dried out and birds come in and poo .....

I could wash the deck every morning....but will I? What will I let interupt me tomorrow? What have I let interupt me that I thought more important in previous days?

Thank you, Jesus. You have cleaned my heart as I have cleaned my deck. I sure am glad you dropped by this morning.