Handmaiden of God

Not Me Monday

2009-03-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

It was not me who took the pile of clothes needing to be put away and made piles on my dresser for the night. I always put my clean clothes away.

It was not me who bought $35 shoes for a child who cannot even walk yet because they squeek in the heel as they are beginning to walk.

It was also not me who bought said shoes a size too big because that was all the vendor had left AND made him wear them to church last night.

It was also not me who justified the buying of those gorgous shoes because I can hand them down to my oldest daughters son when Emmanuel outgrows them.

It was not me who wanted to drop everything and get in the car and drive 1200 miles to be with my brother as he has heart surgery on Thursday. It surely was not me that gave up the idea as quickly as I entertained it.

Not Me Monday

2009-03-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It was not me who baked TWO Arkansas Pound Cakes in two days. It was not me who realized that just because the name is POUND cake, it doesn't mean you only gain one pound if you eat it.

It was not me who was late picking up my oldest son from the airport. I am never late.

It was not me who forgot to turn the heater back on in the house and woke to see my oldest son, Israel, in his winter coat, sitting in a chair in the living room, doing computer work.

It is not me needing to go to the bathroom but not wanting to stop from my "not me's" long enough to go take care of bathroom business.

It was not me sitting in the fellowship room last night while the men had an impromptu meeting, wishing I was anything but the preachers wife.

It was not me LAUGHING at our Mocha dog having a hissy fit at the patio door because another dog five times his size was on the deck. I have an obedient and quiet dog, so it wasn't me.

and....it was not me who took a list with five complaints to my doctor only to hear that every problem could easily be solved if I lost weight. I have an intelligent doctor, so it could not have been me!

Not Me

2009-03-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

It was not me who waited too long to go to the bathroom, so in desperation, walking swiftly while pulling down my pants and underwear through the house so as to save time in the bathroom. I would never do that as the patio door, open to the world is in that pathway. I am modest.

It was not me who looked outside this morning and found three inches of snow on the ground. I was not hoping for the look of spring, a green bud or daffodils peeking out of the ground. I know my seasons. March in Wyoming is Not winter.

It was not me who waited till the last minute to mail my mother in laws birthday gift. I am always prompt and on time. So, it was not me either who has not yet ordered her fathers birthday present (for his important 80th birthday) that will take 3-4 weeks to get to him and his birthday is in a week and a half.

It was not me who looked at my house this morning and started planning to get it cleaned up because the housekeeper is coming tomorrow. I am not prideful.

It was certainly not me who sat in the computer chair, needing (again) to be dashing for the potty, but wanting to finish my 'not me' for this week.

I don't live such a boring life that I have to sit here and think a LONG time about what to write. Bye for now

Emmanuel

2009-03-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

My eighth grandchild....my third grand son, Emmanuel. Emmanuel was born with Sickle Cell Anemia, type SS. He is six months old. He is a chortling, funny, beautiful, handsome, mischievous, teasing, bundle of boy. He has just learned to sit by himself and to crawl. It's a funny crawl, but it is mobility and he is on the go.

Emmanuel was born to my single daughter, Sarah. Sarah works two jobs and her daddy and I take care of Emmanuel while she is at work. It takes both of us alot of the time.

For Emmanuels first five months of life, he was pretty much like any other normal baby. During his sixth month he has been to the hospital three times. One of those times was very scary. The staff thought at one point that he wasn't going to live. Inside, I was falling apart, while my face stayed serious but serene. I watched Emmanuel lay in the hospital baby crib, moaning while he slept. He didn't move. He was very pale. He had already been poked and prodded, an IV started and wrapped around his little arm.

Our little town is very blessed to have a hospital. It is not a big hospital with specialists that know how to take care of Sickle Cell kids. The staff is learning as they go. Emmanuel is one of two people in the state of Wyoming with this disease. The nearest specialist is in Denver, CO.

They talked of care flighting him to Denver and we tried to prepare our hearts for whatever was going to happen.

There was a period of time during that hospital stay when I was in the room by myself with Emmanuel. I looked at him laying there, so very sick and helpless and little and my heart took over and I wept. I closed my eyes and prayed for strength. I had long ago put Emmanuel in my Heavenly Fathers arms for His care. But still, I am flesh and blood and this is my baby grand son. Tears dripped off my face. I wasn't sobbing. I was releasing Emmanuel yet again to our Father.

A nurse came into the room and asked me if I was OK. I told her that I was OK....only because God was with me. With Him I can stand because He can bind up my weak knees.

Eventually Emmanuel got better and we were allowed to take him home. He wasn't 'well' but he was very slowly getting better. There were a few more complications....more narcotic pain relievers....alot more rocking and singing and praying over him, more tears and more tears.

We have many that we know of praying for Emmanuel and for those of us who take care of him. I find out nearly every day of someone else who emails and says they have been praying for us and want to know how Emmanuel is.

Today, as I sat a moment to rest, I thought of my other eight grandchildren. I particularly thought of my youngest grandson, Samuel who was born about six weeks after Emmanuel. I have never held him or sang to him. I'm not even sure if I bought him something when he was born. I don't know him like I know Emmanuel. I miss that.

It's not 'fair'. Not to Samuel and not to me. But it is what it is. Samuel, along with his brother and sisters and parents are planning to come visit in July. I am looking forward to that so very much! I imagine them all being here and the kids all running around and squeeling in our living room. Emmanuel will love them being here. I plan to get to know my newest grandson. I plan to take HIM shopping and buy HIM an outfit and a toy. I want him to know he is very special to me.

I want Emmanuel to know that he has wonderful cousins and aunts and uncles who love him and pray for him.

The journey of life is a challenging one. I know I am just a pilgrim here.....a stranger in a strange land and I look forward to a better place, where there is no more sickness, no more tears, no more death, no more thousands of miles seperating us from our loved ones. Thank you God for my NINE grandchildren. Every single one of them.

Lost

2009-03-02T05:56:00.001-08:00

My blogs have been lost

Not ME Tuesday

2009-02-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

It was NOT ME who took our dog on an outing in the van just to have the dog spot two other dogs and go wild , getting scratched to pieces. NOT ME.

It was NOT ME who went to a resale shop and bought a Ziploc bag of used baby bottles only to get home and find that they were mismatched nipples and bottles and out of the entire bag only three could be put to use.

It was (and still is) NOT ME who can't figure out why the expensive Dr. Brown baby bottles leak when I try to feed my grandson.

It was NOT ME who insisted that I would only use Dr. Browns baby bottles because they were THE BEST on the market. Uh huh, that was not me.

It was NOT ME who personally sucked on several different kinds of baby nipples to see which I would prefer, so I would know which my grandson would also prefer ;)

It was NOT ME who, while putting nose spray in my nose, slipped and squirted it in my eye instead.

It was NOT ME who tried with one eye to look up that nose spray on the internet to see if it would make me go blind.

It was NOT ME who decided before going to church wednesday night that I would use the video time to catch some ZZZ's, but found the video so interesting, I couldn't doze off.

It was NOT ME that was trying to learn to use the new printer and accidentally printed twenty pages of the same picture.

It was NOT ME who, after retrieving a glass of water in the dark, by my bedside, drank the wrong lip of the cup and ended up dousing myself with the entire glass of water. I would never be so dumb.

That's all for this week.

NOT ME Tuesday

2009-02-24T12:27:00.001-08:00

It was not me that was seen at a down town restaurant ALONE, having breakfast and enjoying a new book while my husband became an Iron Chef for the day, cooking chili over at the city Middle School.

It was still not me who went from breakfast to get dessert and a diet coke and went to the park and read three hours enjoying sunshine and peace and quiet.

It is not me who should still be eating healthy and on limited calories. Nope, not me.

It was not me who couldn't sleep at all while staying at the hospital with my grandson because I didn't have my recliner that was at home.

It wasn't me who made the head nurse angry because I mentioned that she was late again with my grandsons pain medications.

It is not me who is thinking of selling my dog because he has become a traitor and continues to pester my neighbor--wanting her to be his master instead of me.

It was not me who sat in a courtroom Monday listening to a constant stream of young (some as young as 13 years old) people stand trial before a judge and feel despondancy blanket my heart.

It was not me who felt like giving up on this next generation who seem so insolent all of the time.

It was not me that wanted to slap their faces off as they continued to disrespect their parents and the judge.

It was not me who was so upset after being in the courtroom listening that I couldn't eat lunch.

It was not me who cried myself to sleep that night.

It was NOT ME who prayed today for my husband to win the Iron Chef chili cook off at the middle school. Why I would NEVER, NEVER pray for him to win over two other members of our church. Not me.

He Suffered But Opened NOT His Mouth

2009-02-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday. The first day of the week. A blessed day of the Lord....and I am weary, I am tired. When I woke this morning, my first thought was, "what day is it?". When I realized it was Sunday, my spirit groaned. Being a ministers wife, Sunday is very much a 'work' day. I have to polish myself up...you know, take a shower, do my hair, put on make up, wear 'look good' clothes and on and on. Then, I MUST smile and smile and smile, setting a good example for the congregation.

These things should not be a burden, but many times they FEEL like burdens that make me weary. I am uncomfortable in the church pews. They make my back hurt worse. So, I take a pain pill before heading out for church.

All of this, I laid at the foot of the cross this morning. How God must sigh when he hears me or sees me feeling as I do. Jesus gave his life on the cross......and I'm griping because I have to sit in a church pew. That's some comparison!

How many times will I hear this morning after I say, "hello, how are you?" to my fellow believers, "I'm tired". Yeah, I feel the same way. Yes, I reckon that Jesus was pretty tired the day he went to Calvary. He had been up all night being whipped and degraded and then he was nailed to a cross. I doubt that Jesus thought, "I'm just too tired to be on the cross today". I'm glad he did what he did for me.

Has anyone else noticed that we have a generation of tired teenagers and twenty year olds? Go ahead. I dare you to ask around today and see how many of them respond with 'I'm tired" when you ask how they are.

When I was young I never thought I was tired. I could stay up most of the night and get up at six in the morning and still feel good. When I was actually, really tired, I would never have admitted it......that would have been weak.

So, I have pondered lately, why is this the most popular statement of the young in 2009? The only thing I can come up with is that they do not want any responsibility. Why else would you tell everyone you knew that you were tired? Do todays youth even know what it is like to feel really tired????? I doubt it. I doubt that I do either.

Oh Lord, God, change my heart. Make my heart pure. Let me be more like you, who suffered and did not open your mouth.

Not ME Tuesday ;)

2009-02-03T10:24:00.001-08:00

OK, here goes....
It was not me who screamed "Shut Up" at my husband who did NOT hurt my feelings till I cried like a leaking faucet all over the house.
It was not me who sang bass at church this past Sunday and rather enjoyed it ;)
It was not me who pulled a muscle in her rump and had to sit on a heating pad for four days and is still limping and taking pain pills and muscle relaxers.
It was not me who ate potatoe chips while watching Biggest Loser on TV.
It was not me who ignored the Big Breakfast that my DH bought me Sunday morning and went through the drive through at McDonalds and ordered a dollar sandwhich instead.
It was also not me who asked the worker at the drive through at McDonalds if they were being held hostage when it took eight minutes for them to come and take my order on Sunday morning.
It is not me that has started yet another diet.
It was not me who read two books this past week while sitting on the heating pad.
It was not me who laughed unrepentedly at my daughter, whose daughter put vasaline in her hair, while I remembered my daughter putting Vicks Salve in hers at about the same age.
It was not me who slunk in my seat when my DH invited someone to ride in our van that looks like it hasn't been cleaned out in a year.
It wasn't me who yelled at my husband for throwing a pastry he didn't like out the car window because I wanted to eat it.
That's it for this week. This was rather fun :)

President Obama Stirs Me To Post

2009-01-24T06:08:00.000-08:00

This is one of those events in my life where I am surprised at myself. Several years ago as a resident of Illinois, my attention was drawn to a 'young' black man that was running for the Senate. I listened to him speak and tho there were topics that we did not agree on, still he drew me to himself and encouraged my spirit.

Now, this 'young' man is president of my country. I live in Wyoming, far away from the hustle and bustle of the Chicago area where I once lived and where Senator Obama reigned.

I watched, with that same draw this past Tuesday during the swearing in. I wasn't at home. I was at WalMart....and all the TV's blared out the words that were promised by our new president.

I was very interested. I wanted to see this historic event. I have two bi racial children, whose coloring is much like President Obama's.

I know most of my fellow Christians disdain him. I've heard them, loud and clear. I always wonder how God feels about what they say and so loudly proclaim both in public and in private.

I've been quiet about my voting this time. My husband knows who I voted for and my children know. Other than that, it was a private time between my God and I and my country.

As I watched the swearing in, I feared that my intense interest might draw attention from fellow Wyomingites who for the most part are anti Obama folks. Then, I chided myself for my lack of courage. I am an American Citizen who SHOULD be watching the inauguration of our new president.

Do I have fears about him being president? Yes, I do. I vote Independant, but usually Republican. I vote for who I believe will be the one that possess the most integrity, honesty, hard working, God fearing man.

I am not always proven correct by the end of the term. I pray about my decision but once the president has been decided, I am by scripture, commanded to respect and honor and obey him.

I haven't seen this from my fellow Christians lately. I am embarrassed by the words I have heard out of their mouths. It makes me all the more determined that I will NOT speak evil against the one that God has put into office, even if I do not agree, even if he does ungodly things. I was remembering today that when we, as Christians were commanded to 'honor the emperor'...just who that emperor was and what HE stood for. Shudder!

Oh God, make me an instrument of your peace, Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen!

A Cup of Mocha, Please

2009-01-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

As you have read in a previous posting, our old dog, Sami was laid to rest December 31st of last year. Knowing that the day was coming when he would have to give up his life, my youngest daughter, Sarah bought me a puppy last July for my birthday. This puppy is a Chihuahua that my sweet husband, Kevin named "Mocha".

Mocha is now seven months old. He doesn't look like a puppy anymore, but he is DEFINATELY still abiding by puppy laws.

First and foremost he is very cute and very sweet. I am a sap for those big brown eyes of his. He can be so very naughty and yet look at me with those big browns and I melt...well, almost all of the time.

Not so melting am I when I see HOLES he has put in our carpet. We've tried vinegar, we've tried cayenne pepper sprinkled around so he doesn't think the carpet is one of his gazillion toys to 'play' with. Didn't work.

The vet said to get chewy toys for him so he has something to chew on. He has dozens....didn't work.

We've read on internet web sites to give the pups more attention...that they are lacking in attention when pups behave in this fashion. We gave more attention (was this even possible???) and still....didn't work.

We have contracted with a carpet fixer to have the carpet repaired. If this continues, we will have to replace the carpet (we rent).

The weather here in Wyoming can get very cold, especially at night. So, instead of using the doggie outhouse (grass), our Mocha uses the throw rug by the doggie door. It IS better than him using the carpet...yes yes.....but still, he KNOWS that is wrong and slinks around the morning after.

When guests come, he jumps and barks. When guests leave, he jumps and barks. When anyone walks past our house....he runs like an attack dog and barks. If you leave something (like my panties) on the floor in your room...you know, a PRIVATE place in the house.....he finds them and carries them to the front deck to greet your guests that are coming for lunch. How appetizing.

But, at the close of day....when my work is done, and I am in my nightgown and snuggled in my recliner....he is also in the crook of my arm, nuzzling close and snoozing away. What peace he brings to me.

I'll make it through another day if you will just give me "another cup of Mocha, please".

Church Business Meetings

2009-01-10T08:59:00.001-08:00

It's business meeting Saturday. Honestly, I hate these once a month or once a quarter meetings. My stress level is soaring, no matter how much I am praying for the men involved and especially for my precious and dear husband.

It almost irratates me that Kevin says that he is peaceful over the meeting. Doesn't he realize all that can go wrong during one of these?

I am sure it is my past experiences--probably some intermingled Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome that needs to be addressed with my counsellor :)

I am waiting at home to pray and wonder and fret (even tho God has said "Fret Not!"), wringing my hands in anticipation of seeing what the look on my husbands face will be when he returns home. I hate this.

I am sure that is not the good Christian ministers wife attitude that I should have. But here I am, confessing it is the one that pervades my mind today.

What will be the outcome of the difficult things the men are discussing? Will it be that our burdens as ministers will be heavier? Lighter? About the same?

Will the men be one in mind and spirit and come to agreement.

***********
My husband has returned from the mens meeting. The information that he shares with me is not good. The traumatic stress is up front and in my face again. I feel so frustrated that so many men do not stand up for what is good and right and just let things slide. I've seen it all my life and it not only irks me, it grieves me. Where are the leaders that GOD would raise up?

There's much, as a ministers wife that I cannot write here just because of who I am and the job that is entrusted to me. I am seared this morning.

If you are a believer and you pray, please pray for us. There are decisions to be made that are not easy ones. They are grevious to us. Not what we had planned. Sigh.

It would be great if Jesus would just return and we could be done with all this earth trash.

Do You Take Kevin?

2009-01-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

Remember the words the minister said..."Do you take Kevin?"....to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward....blah, blah, blah

It's been 31 years 4 months and 4 days and one hour ago. I didn't know way back then, what a wonderful, wonderful man God had blessed me with. I thought I knew. There was no way I could have known or foreseen what the years ahead would bring and how Kevin and I would meld together and become one.

This man, this wonderful, precious and sweet man is my husband. Sometimes I am still overwhelmed with the wonder of it.

We have gone through many seasons in our life together. After marrying we had all of about two months before I got pregnant with our first child. He was born about a month and a half before our first wedding anniversary. We really never knew time just the two of us as our first pregnancy was one where I threw up every single day, several times a day, and fainted at the most inoportune times.

Israel was born in July, I miscarried shortly thereafter and then was pregnant again in January, birthed second child in October, miscarried shortly thereafter and then pregnant again in March and delivered third baby in December. Had my tubes tied and found out I was pregnant at my six weeks check up. OOPS. We miscarried that baby and had another tubaligation.

When our third child was a year old, we put in an application to become foster parents. We've had 17 foster children over the years. Ten years after our first child, we adopted two children, twins--a boy and a girl, newborn.

Total children: 5.

Days were taken up in the intensity of having three babies in three years and grieving the death of three other infants. The intensity sometimes was overwhelming, but it also was full of laughter, joy at watching the ever learning and growing children, celebrating EVERY holiday, finding reasons to have another party and in all of that, Kevin and I were growing up, too.

Kevin and I shared parenthood. When the older kids were preschool, Kevin would come home from work and while I cleaned up after dinner, Kevin would run the kids through their baths, dress them for bed and then tell them a story and pray with them.

This ritual was repeated with differing details even as the children grew older. They loved their daddys stories and just the other day, Jonathan (now 20 years old) referenced a story that Kevin had told when Jon was about four years old. ha.

The kids continued to get older.....the intensity of having babies changed to the intensity of elementary school, then junior high and then high school. We had teenagers for thirteen years! We went through changing diapers to changing hairstyles, gobs of hairspray, rolled hem jeans, Israel wearing only black or grey, puffed bangs, t-ball, regular ball, basketball, Little Miss Texas, football, learning to play various instruments, having valedictorians, historians and barely graduating by the skin of their teeth.

College came and went, some graduated, some did not....and then, Daddy Kevin got his degree....with his grown kids cheering him on. Go Kevin.

We moved 47 times, created many houses into homes, realized home was the people (us), lived in many different states, met many wonderful people, grew and changed and journeyed together spiritually, studying the Bible and making many decisions.

We have been empty nesters and then welcomed children back home. Discovered grandchildren are awesome! We now have nine.

We are still becoming one and Kevin still says, "I do".

We have entered the last half of our lives. We contemplate 'going home' and the joy that will follow for us. Our lives now are pretty much lives of service for others. Kevin is getting his Masters in Counselling. He NEEDS to learn more about that so our service will be more profitable for others. It stretches us and grows us for him to pursue this. It is good.

Our lives continue to change, to become more one, to have great joys and deep sorrows and dissappointments. Our parents are getting quite old. I have one grandparent left alive on the earth. Our parents have aging issues. We live a long way from them. That is hard. We understand each others feelings about this because we share it.

Our children are across the country in Virginia and Chicago...and two are here. Likewise, grandchildren.

When we were first married Kevin held me and said, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be" and clearly, he spoke the truth. Every new day is the best. Do I take Kevin? Yes, still do...more than ever.....

Waiting for 'the call'

2008-10-17T07:52:00.001-07:00

I am in countdown. My oldest daughter is to give birth SOON. Her due date is October 29th, but she has never gone all the way to her due date.

I won't be there for this glorious event and my heart aches and grieves. Such a special moment making a special memory. I will also miss the anticipating WITH my daughter. I love seeing her pregnant. It is beautiful. I know she is aching and tired, especially with this, her fourth child in four years. But, she glows, she's excited and I'm excited too and to be together with this excitement is something that can never be replaced.

My heart has already welcomed Samuel James into our family and I am anxious to see what he looks like. I will miss the labor and the close intercession that I usually do. The singing of blessing during the labor and watching my incredible daughter--what a woman!

This birthing is different. I am home caring for another daughter and another baby. A special baby with special needs. Jessica blessed me with a 'releasing' call; releasing me from being with her for Samuels birth. We both cried. The desires of our hearts were the same.

So, now I wait for 'the call'. I will hear via the phone that my daughter is in labor. And I will pray from afar. It's the same to the Lord, but it is not the same for the Mother. I will pray and I will continue my work in Wyoming. I will pray and I will do some grieving. I will pray and do some laboring right along with my dauhter. And...I will pray and then, I will get 'the call'. We will rejoice together....all is well. Then, I will wait for a picture. Usually I am the one sending out the pictures from Jessica's house.

I'm not the best photographer, and I have managed to run out of batteries during Rose's birth and then totally erase all the one hundred or so pictures of Lela's birth. I obviously am not the usual one doing the picture taking. ha.

So, today.....may be the day. I am guessing, October 27th. I am guessing, 8 lbs 2 ounces. I am guessing, 22 inches long.

And now....we wait for the call.

A Blast From The Past

2008-10-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

GREAT is HIS faithfulness....oh God my Father. I have to shout "Glory" today. There are pressing moments every day that cause me to sigh out to God. I ask for strength to continue on when my weak body is not living up to my expectations.

Then, God showers down strength, grace and blessings and my spirit is running in the rain of them, like I did when I was a little girl delighting in a spring rain.

Today I had a blast from my past. Kevin received an email from one of our fosters sons from about 26 years ago. A little baby came to live with us for two short weeks. We named him John Mark....after two beloved men in the New Testament. John Mark now carries another name that was given to him by his adoptive parents. He is searching for some of his roots and found our names on a letter that I wrote to him as he was leaving our home and then found our name on the internet.

Thank you, God. It has always been a dream of mine to reconnect with our past foster children in some way. I don't know how much 'John Mark' wants to reconnect and we will respect his desires about that.

I enjoyed having foster babies. The foster 'children' were much more challenging and difficult. The babies I always thought were the most fun. We were the interim family that the baby stayed with until the red tape could go through for their adoptive parents.

Those two weeks that John Mark lived with us were filled with infant fun. We didn't know we would only have him for two weeks and we were shocked when Christian Homes of Abilene called to say the paperwork was through and John Mark would be going to his adoptive parents.

Being a foster parent is special. I always saw it as a gift from God. It was a special time for all our family. And when the babys went on to their new home, our heart strings were stretched. Happy for them; happy for the baby, and us? Well, our mission was 'accomplished', but it took longer for the heart to let go.

Trusting that the Lord's will is perfect, I could again and again place my hand in His and allow Him to sooth my heart strings. I would throw myself into special time with our three children and maybe do some special projects with them. There was always, coming home from the placement, stripping the baby crib and putting away baby toys etc. That is when my tears would flow and I would pray. I waited until Israel, Jessica and Rachel went down for their naps and then, I would go through my grieving ritual.

Our fellow foster parents that we went to church with would also call and ask how we were doing. THEY understood the grieving and the rejoicing and how sometimes it would get a bit mixed together.

.........and then, today. Voices from the past rain upon me. I remembered the name, "John Mark"....it took awhile for me to remember which baby the name went with. All day, little details have been coming back to me and I would smile. It's like Christmas in my heart, opening these little memory packages of this little baby who is now grown with a family of his own.

Wow. Such a blast from the past. Thank you, God. I needed that. "Glory"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Let It Be To Me" Part 2

2008-09-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

Long ago when I first started blogging, I wrote about "Let It Be To Me as YOU Have Said"...quoting from Mary and Gabriels conversation and applying it to my walk with the Lord.
That is really good in principle. It is right. It is godly.

And it is also down right HARD! when the rubber meets the road.
My rubber is meeting several roads right now. Some with road blocks. Some that are dark.
The road block right now is my journey to Jessicas (my oldest daughter) house for the birth of her fourth child. I want to go. I feel like I need to go. I know she wants me there, even needs me to be there. The road is blocked to me. I keep thinking maybe it is just appearing to be blocked and when the time is right, the block will go away and I can happily go to Virginia and witness my ninth grandchild being born and help my daughter.

I don't want to cause Jessica the pain of not having her mother with her during childbirth. I went through that several times and had a wounded place in my heart for a long time.

I don't want to cause Rachel pain. Rachel is my second daughter who lives at Jessica's house right now. In November it will be a year since I have seen her. I miss her. She misses me and was/is looking forward to me being at the birthing of Samuel. "Lord, I will fail her if I'm not there", I have cried.

I don't want to cause my grandchildren the dissapointment of Grandma Joy not coming in October. Right or wrong, we've been telling them I am coming in October and they are/were excited. It's so nice to have grandchildren longing for grandma to come visit. Honestly, I have never had that before and it was/is something that I wanted so much.

So, here I am...one month before Samuels birthing and I am looking at several road blocks preventing me from going to Virginia.

Then, there is the dark road. My eighth grand child, my third grand son, Emmanuel has just been diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia (SCA for short). It's a road I have never walked on before. Emmanuel is just one month old (yesterday). He is beautiful and delightful and LOOKS fine. But now we know, there is a dark road ahead. We have to be careful that he is not where germs are so he won't get sick.

We need to stay well, so we don't make him sick. Emmanuels mother, my youngest daughter, Sarah, had to work and I am Emmanuels caretaker (along with helpful grandfather, Kevin). If we are here, Emmanuel would need a different care taker and he would be exposed to germs his little body are not familiar with and he could get sick. Sarah would worry more.

I try not to be paranoid about the dark road, but me and darkness haven't been the best of friends in the past and we are still not companions.

Today, the rubber is meeting the road. I remember the phrase that Mary said to Gabriel, "Let it be to me as you have said" and I remember that I have told the Lord that I would have that same attitude.

Yet, here I have sat....looking at the road blocks and looking down the dark road with my heart beating too fast and my breaths joining in and I have not remembered that I can safely trust my heart to the Lord of my life.

I repent.

I KNOW in whom I have believed. I know He is able. My heart can safely trust in Him.

I return to my previous resolve. "Let It Be To Me as YOU Have Said"

His Arm is Not Shortened

2008-09-23T08:38:00.001-07:00

"Behold, Jehovah's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear" Isaiah 59:1
I was thinking about this verse this morning. For the last several weeks I have had some severe pain in my hands, elbows and shoulders along with my regular back pain. Because of the pain, my arms are not as useful and my hands cannot grip what they used to.
Sometimes I think we believe that God's arm/hand is shortened and that His ear is deaf where He cannot hear when we have prayed and God has not done OUR bidding.
This verse in Isaiah is not very big, but the message is huge. God does not have our disabilities. His hand can reach ANYWHERE. God's hand can save ANYONE. God's ears can always hear us.
If you continue on to verse two, the scripture is clear as to why sometimes God's hand appears to be inadequate and that His ears are deaf to our prayers. It is because of OUR SINS. The scripture says: "But your wrongs have separated you from your God, and your sins have made him hide his face so that he doesn't hear you. ...
I do get weary hearing God's children telling me that God doesn't answer their prayers. If God is truly NOT answering prayer, then maybe we should look at OURSELVES and ask why....not look at God and ask, why?
Is God hiding His face from me? from you? so He doesn't hear you or me?
Are my wrongs seperating me/you from God?
When we are walking in the light as He is in the light, the blood of Jesus cleanses us from EVERY sin. That would make the seperation between God and me/you null and void.
Unlike me, who has to strain and reach (sometimes in vain) for a glass on the shelf because my arms don't work right, God never has to strain to reach His children (me and you).
I thank God through Jesus Christ. I am victor because HE remains victorious and His hand is not slackened towards me/you.

I Am So Blessed

2008-09-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am blessed....
To have five children
To have eight, almost 9 grandchildren
To have a godly husband who is a man of integrity
To have lived 53+ years.
To have many friends who are all different from each other.
To belong to a church family that loves one another
To have both my parents still living
To have a grandmother still living
To have known all my grandparents
To have known three of my great grandparents
To have both of my brothers still living
To have two godly brothers
To have two godly women married to my brothers
To have a fun mother in law who loves me
To have a godly father in law that I respect and love
To have a voice to praise God with
To be saved by the blood of Jesus
To have a lovely home in which to serve others
To own a Bible
To have a working computer
To have food in the fridge
To have a place to cook food that is convenient
To have a dishwasher (I love my dishwasher!!!)
To have a closet overflowing with clothes
To be mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy
To have a working vehicle
To have so many reasons to giggle
to have so many blessings....that I must stop here and get to working the blessings I have to share with others.
LOVE YALL>>>>>>bye bye

Was It A Morning Like This?

2008-09-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the song, Was It A Morning Like This? It was very popular long ago on the music front. It is even in some of our church hymnals these days.

I was pulling the curtains aside this morning and the sun was so very bright it hurt my eyes. The old song popped into my head. I reviewed the words in my mind, "Was it a morning like this? When Mary ran to the tomb....did the grass sing, the earth rejoice to feel you again? Over and over like a trumpet under ground, did the earth seem to shout "he is risen"........

I don't think I even remember the words exactly right.

As quickly as the song came into my mind....my morning routine shouted all around me. There is breakfast to get...and then, clean up. There is my morning ablutions and then picking up the bedroom...there is helping Sarah with the baby....the phone is ringing....the doorbell announcing the arrival of someone who needs some encouragement and on and on.

As I run around, I am no longer even noticing the bright sunshine or the wonderful old song.

As I walk through the dining room, but sun blinds me and I feel a bit of irritation.

Then, it strikes me.....I had already forgotten the joy I felt at remembering the song and noticing the beautiful sunrise this morning.

As I thought about how quickly LIFE interfered with the joy I had felt at seeing the morning.....I was struck once again with the words of the song, but the meaning was changed. It was more like this.....

Was it a morning like this?
When the glory of the Lord shone, when Jesus was raised from the tomb.
But I was in a rush to get breakfast and get it cleaned up.
And I was thinking about how my day was demanding from me already.
Instead of seeing the importance of the morning gift from God,
I see how the dog has tracked muck in from outside and now I have to vacuum the carpet again today.
I see dishes that were left behind 'around' the sink instead of in it or the dishwasher...
I feel the pain in my joints and think about me, me, me......

Yes, for many, even the day our Lord was resurrected...was a 'morning like this'.
It was 'just a morning"...tho the most important event in history had taken place
....and I was busy 'doing'.
As Anne of Green Gables said to Marilla
"Oh what all you have missed"
So Jesus says to me.
What have I missed because I was so busy 'doing' while God was busy providing for me. What glorious event have I missed because the mundane 'must do's' took over my life.

God, please forgive me for not seeing the morning that YOU had planned.

9/11

2008-09-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

Today is September 11th. My husband, Kevin and I went down to the Court House to stand around the flag pole and 'remember'.

It is something we 'chose' to do. We were both so busy we almost decided not to go. I am so glad that we did.

We need to remember that the freedom that we have is freedom we have had to fight for....and die for.

We are not above terrorism.

It could have been in any town, not just New York.

We need to remember the rise of patriotism that came after the horror.

The generosity.

The spiritual attitude of so many.

Flags flying out of car windows and on many, many houses.

Faith in action.

Yes, I needed to remember 9/11.

Memories, light the corners of my mind....

2008-09-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

Having a new baby in our house has brought back alot of memories of when my children were little. There are many memories that I want to remember and I want THEM to remember and enjoy, so I have decided to put some on my blog....for them (and for you to enjoy, too).

Some of my favorite 'sayings'..........

Jon to mom as we pile into our very old silver and burgandy van on the way to school. Jon is about five years old...."mama, which part of the van are we praying for this morning?"

Israel, age five says to mommy as she is putting him to bed, "I know what you and daddy do in bed after we are asleep". Mommy says, "What?" Israel replies, "You eat". ;)

Jessica and Rachel's term for their summer flip flops............Jessica-pip pops; Rachel-hip hops.

Sarah to Jon when Jon is questioning about his bio mom....." A Real MOM is one who puts bandaids on skinned knees"

That's all for today. Hope you enjoyed a bit of memory lane.

HOPE

2008-09-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's September 2nd, 2008. I am in Worland,Wyoming...my earth home for now. Today we went to WalMart--no small fete here in this barren desert place. Our nearest WalMart is nearly two hours drive. It's a 'day event'.

Today was a lovely fall day. Fall has come early this year. You could feel a change in the air two weeks ago. As we were driving along, I noticed that there is already snow on the mountain peaks. It is such a majestic view. I've taken dozens of pictures and NONE of them can ever really capture the essence of the way those mountains look.

Sarah and Emmanuel rode along with us on our trip 'out'. It was a fun adventure taking an eleven day old baby into a store full of people. Everyone looks. After they look, they smile. Then, we smile back and we 'know' without words. I like that.

While we were out having our WalMart adventure, our two dogs were home alone. Sami dog, who is eleven years old, generally goes to sleep while we are out, but the new Prince Mocha dog--well, THAT is a different can of worms. When we returned, the baby hamper had been knocked over and all the baby clothes were strewn upon the floor. Then, the trash can near the baby changing table was knocked over and dirty diapers and wipes were also decorating the carpet. Ick! It was terrible.

Bless Kevin, he took care of that for me. I had my arms full of baby who was ready to be changed and fed and rocked. Sarah was nearly late for a doctors appointment, so she ran on.

The one thing I like about having to drive a ways to get to our destination is that I have the gift of time...time to think...time to pray...and if I am a passenger as I was today, ....time to read.

I have been pondering on a story in the gospels. It is the parable of the Prodigal Son. For a variety of reasons, this story has come to mean a great deal to me. As a parent, I feel for the father who waits (maybe not so patiently) for the return of his much loved, younger, son. As he looked each day toward the horizon...what were his feelings? Was he remembering when the young man was a little boy? Does he think about the prayers that little boy said and the faith he exhibited as a child? Does the father pray and ask the Eternal Father to help the young man remember his faith?

I am sure that the father wondered what the boy was doing. Who were his friends? What sin was he getting into that would be hard to get away from 'when' he came to his senses....and God, would he come to his senses?

Did the father worry....does he have food to eat? ...does he have a bed to lay down in? ...is he even still alive?

As a mother, I have thought these same things about some of my children. My heart grieves, as I am sure the prodigal sons' fathers' heart also grieved.

Jesus doesn't leave the story there. He tells 'the rest of the story'. I think he tells the ending to give hope. Hope that our children who are out in the world, that have turned away from their childhood faith, will 'come home' just as this young man did.

I hang on to that hope for my own wandering children. I pray...'oh God...help them to remember how much you love them and how much we still want them to 'come home'.

I cry with the father. I cry for the father. And, I cry for the children.

When our children were little, I honestly didn't believe any of them would dessert their Heavenly Father. Their faith seemed so sure. We taught them right. We lived our faith before them. We did what was right. When we sinned, we confessed and forsook our wrong and taught our children to do the same.

Yet, here they are.....here we are.....with children who have lost their way.

Thank you, Jesus for telling this story. There are so many truths we can learn from it. But tonight, my truth I am holding on to is the hope....that I shall see my children as they return home...coming from a far country....on the horizon...afar off.

I shall plan a party upon their return....I will rejoice...and I will remember the old father....and rejoice anew with him. I have hope.

A MOMENT IN TIME

2008-08-30T18:55:00.000-07:00

I am SO tired. I am only 53, but I feel 83!!!!

I have worked hard all day, mostly in the kitchen cooking for a church dinner tomorrow. I enjoy cooking and a church dinner gives me the opportunity to cook things that I normally wouldn't cook just for us at home. Especially, the desserts.

I know I have gone overboard, but I have made THREE different desserts for our gathering tomorrow.

I love reading Amish books. The descriptions of their gathering times on Sundays is amusing and horrifying to me. They meet for at least three hours. They sit on benches made of wood and no padding. The men sit on one side and the women on the other. The children sit with the women.

I enjoy pondering and learning from the Amish, but I am grateful for our padded pews in our auditorium and our nicely padded chairs in the fellowship room.

Tonight I am just 'dog tired'. In a few minutes I plan to shower and hit the recliner with my book and veg until sleep overtakes me.

We have a new baby in our house and he is often passed around from one set of arms to another so we can keep him always happy.

It's been a long time since we've had a baby in our house. Truthfully, I am LOVING it. The crying no longer intimidates me. I am grandma:)

I tell Emmanuel that he and I are going to be great buddies. I will be 'babysitting' him once Sarah goes back to work. He will be with me five to eight hours a day--just me and him. I imagine all the things we will share together and I feel so priveledged. How long until my daughter exerts her adulthood and finds a place for the two of them? I don't know.

I want to take this opportunity and use every minute for the glory of God. I may not ever have the chance to be with Sarah or Emmanuel LIKE THIS ever again. I am so blessed.

So, tho I AM tired....I am also ecstatically joyful and content. Tho' my bones ache and my hands are throbbing and my back feels like it will fall to pieces any moment....I am full of the JOY of the LORD....HE has granted me this wonderful moment in time.

Emmanuel Neil

2008-08-26T08:27:00.001-07:00

On August 22nd, 2008 my grandson, Emmanuel Neil made his entrance into the world. My daughter, Sarah labored 54 hours and then had a C-section. How does God labor to bring us into His Kingdom? I have been pondering that. It's quite a question.

Happy Birthday

2008-07-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my 53rd birthday.

I have been blessed to complete my 52nd year. I am planning to enjoy myself today. It is a good thing to do.

I have already allowed myself to spend over an hour reading a good book this morning. I treated myself to a McDonalds breakfast. My husband gave me a wonderful card that plays music (he and I LOVE these cards). Sarah bought me a dog --a Chihauhau for my birthday and Kevin bought me my cuckoo clock and had it repaired and hung it on the wall. He is also blessing me with doing household chores that are difficult for me to do--he thought of that gift all by himself. I LOVE IT!

I got money from my mom and dad and have ordered myself a blouse with it. I got a card from my brother. I got some raspberries from a friend. Another friend is taking me to lunch this afternoon.

When I began my 52nd year, I honestly thought it would be my last. Just a feeling I had. My 52nd year...... Two grand babies were conceived. We got to go on a vacation in November to Missouri, Illinois and Colorado. I got to see all my children then. Sarah came home. I had two surgeries to repair my hands. I continued to exercise. I lost and regained 35 lbs. Two good friends died. I did not move to a new house :)

There are many other things I could mention, but the point of today, is that my 52nd year is over and the heaviness I felt would be for that year of my life has lifted.

In the next few weeks I will have a new grandbaby; Our lives will change, as this grand baby and her mama (our daughter Sarah) live with us.

LIFE will be a blessing. Such a good gift from our Heavenly Father. In October we will have another grandbaby. More life.....

Thank you God...I anticipate a new year of walking with you.

This Old House

2008-07-24T16:46:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I received a photo through email from my mother in law. She had been to Texas on a visit and went back to the town we lived in where our daughter, Rachel was born. She took a picture of Rachels first home.

This house sits upon many, many acres of land. There is a barn where we stored unused items and behind the barn was our chicken pen. Over the hill was a small cabin where hunters stayed during deer season.

It was a beautiful place.

Since receiving the picture from my mother in law, I have stared and stared at our old house. It hasn't been lived in for quite awhile. The outside paint is peeling; the screen door is torn and hanging slightly crooked; if the porch and sidewalk are there, you can't see them for the tall weeds in the front yard. We notice a window unit AC that wasn't there when we were.

We lived there during the hottest Texas summer in 100 years--without AC. We had one box fan and I was pregnant.

As I've pondered on that precious old house, I remember the story that Jesus told about two houses. One was built on a firm foundation--a rock. The storms came and beat upon that house and it stood firm. The other house was built on sand. Sand shifts and changes. The storms came and beat upon that house and it fell. Jesus says, "and great was the fall of it".

How am I doing building 'my' house? Is my life firmly planted on the rock, Jesus? When the storms of life beat upon me; when the winds of change knock me off my feet; and hail comes....am I standing firm because I am built up on the rock?

Or, is my house built upon the sand? Am I living my life trying to conform myself to this world...where fashions change EACH season; price of gasoline changes each day? Am I like that? How great will be my fall?

No, I am built upon the rock. When I am battered about by my enemies, I close my eyes in prayer and find my center, my firm rock--Jesus. Tho all turn against me....my Master holds me fast. When I am accused falsly, I run to the Truth.

I am glad that I learned to follow Jesus early in my life. I've been on the rock for43 years. Jesus updates me, repaints me, redecorates my interior (heart) and I am firmly established.

I Have Finished The Course

2008-07-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

2 Timothy 4:7
"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith."

Yesterday I read in a church bulletin that a precious, old friend of mine had died. For nine years, on and off, this precious sister in Christ, sat in front of me every church service. She was old enough to be my grandmother, had wonderful bright red hair and wore shiny gold shoes and lots of gold jewelry. Her face was carefully made up with make up and she always greeted me with a smile. She took an interest in all my children and grand children; rejoicing with me as each new grand child was born and asking to see pictures (every grand mothers great joy).

When we moved away, we kept in touch by letters (REAL ones, snail mail). She came to our house before we moved to Wyoming to join in our celebration of the twins graduation from High School. She laughed with me and she cried with me. I always loved it when she would take hold of my hand and pat it....telling me that everything would work out and to keep strong in my faith.

Now, my sister that I affectionately called, "My Gold Lady" has completed her race and gone on to be with the Lord; joining the great cloud of witnesses that will shout encouragement to me so that I, too will keep the faith, run the race and finish my own journey.

I knew Rena was struggling with her health. She had been on life support for quite awhile now. I continued to write her, knowing that she was unable to write back. It didn't matter. She was there for me when I was so grieved that I couldn't speak....now, it was my turn to 'talk' to her when she no longer could speak back. I read of her passing in a church bulletin. I wept. I rejoiced with her that she had no more pain and no more struggles on this earth. But, for myself, I wept tears of loss.

Loss of a fellow comrade in the race. Loss of someone who demanded nothing of me yet accepted everything I had to give with a smile and eyes that glittered. I shall miss her presence here. I shall also carry her memory in my heart--a memory that will continue to encourage me.

When I visit my grand mother in the nursing home(she is 96 and has many physical ailments that cause her much pain), she has asked me "why won't the Lord just let me go home?"

She is tired and full of pain. She misses my grand father. She misses her comrades. She feels like Elijah "I am the only one left".

I never felt like I had a good answer for Gran. Now, with Rena's passing and my ponderings, I think I have the answer to that question. Gran is not finished with her race; Grans fight is not over; She still must keep the faith while fighting and running. It's a simple answer really. God knows the beginning AND the end of our lives before we are born. They are written in His book.

It is not yet time. Not for Gran. Not for me.

I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. After receiving the prognosis of probable eventual confinement to a wheelchair, I have wondered, cried and prayed about what God wants of me....LIKE THAT! I have struggled against it; prayed against it; cried in torrents, wondering....'what is the point of THIS?"

Now, I know. I haven't yet finished the course. The course (that I planned) has changed, but it is still my course to run.

Maybe I can be someones "gold lady". I can be a smile of encouragement. I can be an 'ear' in the body of Christ. I can ask about children and grand children and rejoice with each new birth into their family. I can still HUG! I can still PRAY! I can still TEACH! I can still GIVE!

"Lord, Let me fight the good fight YOU have laid out before me; Let me complete my race; Let me keep my faith.......until you call me home where there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness."

Trusting God With My Health Issues

2008-06-17T04:55:00.000-07:00

I went to sleep about 2:30 in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 6:30!!!!! I am amazed. All kinds of stuff was going on around me and there I slept, right in the middle of it. I KNOW that was a gift of kindness from my Heavenly Father. He knew that I needed that and I am grateful.

We ate some supper and watched a movie that my friend, Katrina brought over. It was a good one--inspirational, with a good ending. Just what we both needed to watch on a 'night like this'.

I finally had to face the fact that I am supposed to teach a class in the morning. Yes, I said TOMORROW MORNING!!!!

I THOUGHT I knew where my material was. I was going to use the material that I prepared for our Ladies Retreat. I went to where I KNEW (!!!!) it was and all that was there was file folders. No materials.

Oh my! I closed my eyes and prayed (trying to keep my rising panic at bay).......I opened my eyes and they alighted on a file box in my (very full to overflowing) closet. I began to grin. I walked into my closet, picked up the file box.....and there were all my Ladies Retreat materials. See how kind our God is.

I looked through the three lessons, refreshing my mind (it HAS been since end of April after all) as to what I had studied. I love these women and know they will carry the ball for me....all I have to do is introduce and prompt.....they all love the Lord and it will all work out.

I finished looking the material over and then came in here to the computer. The first thing I saw was an email from my doctors nurse...Kelci....telling me that I have an appointment for that echo cardiagram (the ultrasound on my heart) tomorrow morning at TEN. That is the exact time our ladies Bible class is. Satan IS a wiley character.

I sat here staring at that email and wondering what should I do?

I decided to reply to Kelci's email and ask her to reschedule it for me. I NEED the ladies class and I need to be reminded and encouraged in my faith FIRST. Then, I can have the echo cardiagram.

God is not moved by my circumstances. As a dear friend of mine said, 'how often have I said that to others' and I need to say that to myself now.

It isn't that I think God is punishing me. It is that I am harvesting the fruit of my own doing. God doesn't promise to remove the harvest of our sins. Quite the contrary. When I look at my very fat body.....I am looking at the harvest. I know....it's more than that, but when you get it down to the 'brass tacs'....it is what it is.

The fat didn't cause the back issues (I don't believe), but it does complicate it. It complicates greatly.

Kevin and I have weathered tough times before and God has always seen us through. He will this time, too. We know that in our heart of hearts.....now, we have to walk it out. It is very much a walk of faith, by faith and in faith.

I am having muscle spasms today. Worse than in a long time. I am thinking it is probably the stress. I thought for awhile that I might have to go to the ER and get a shot to make them relax, but it seems some better right now. Kevin massaged the muscles and that seemed to help, too.

My dear friend, in an email wrote: "God allows us to be afraid because he wants to comfort us."

I see that. I also think He allows us to be afraid because He wants us to TRUST Him. He also wants us to be a testimony of Himself...testifying to God's goodness and comfort and trustworthiness.

He is a good and loving Heavenly Father.

I do receive my friends wisdom (in her letter to me) in that I should give myself time to wring my hands, have tantrums and some inward screaming :)

I also plan to share with my lady friends tomorrow and ask for their encouragement and support. They have proven themselves to be faithful friends.

May I rest in the sweet arms of Jesus tonight as I sleep, laying my health burdens down at His feet.

I remain the HANDMAIDEN OF GOD...LET IT BE TO ME AS GOD HAS PLANNED AND SAID

Plants And A Bird Bath

2008-06-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

I was enjoying some time sitting on my porch swing this morning and noticed that my outside plants were needing a drink of water.

I turned on the hose, gave the plants a drink and then noticed that the bird bath also needed refilling. This is a new thing for me. Plants and a bird bath. It is a beautiful morning. The sun is shining and the underground watering system is on making the water droplets sparkle like diamonds on the grass. It is an idyllic scene.

Then, the detail part of my brain kicks in. Not only did the bird bath bring birds, which caused great rejoicing, but all of a sudden, I see what the birds brought. Birdie poo!

Yep, sure enough, I notice A spot on the deck. I move the hose to hit the white mound. It doesn't move. I adjust the nozzle so that the force of the water increases. A direct hit removes the unwanted spot.

There is another dawning in my thought process. I begin to peruse more of the deck area. More white spots. I glance at the patio chairs....oh no....more white spots.

I continue to blast the dookey crop with the water. Some of the spots have been there awhile and are dried hard onto the wood. Those, I have to soak awhile, go away and then come back to them.

Before watering the plants I had been reading a book called Walking With God by John Eldridge. My mind is already primed by my reading for hearing messages from God.

Clear as day, I see a parrallel.

The lesson springs forth.

The sin in my life is so much like what I have just experienced. I can almost hear Jesus, as he sits on my swing, talking to me about that bird dookey and my every day life.

God's mercies are new EVERY morning. I am washed clean. I sin ( the bird dookey). If I repent quickly, the sin washes away so easily. If I let the sin sit there awhile, it hardens in my life....

When I repent...the effects of those hardened on sins take awhile to get washed out of my life. Sometimes I have to return to them over and over to get them totally wiped out of my heart.

Sometimes, I don't even notice the sin just like I had not noticed the birdie poo. It has been days since I washed the deck off (shall I confess, that in reality, it has been weeks!!!).

Now that I have noticed one spot, I look, and the mess is everywhere. How could I have been so blinded as not to have seen it before today. I KNOW it has HAD to have been there. I walked over it. I lived with it. I probably even SAT IN IT.

Ah...but the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

I finished cleaning off the deck and sat back down on the porch swing. I watched the water dripping off the patio table. Again, I see a lesson. Once I've been washed clean ...there is an after affect in the spiritual as well. That grace just keeps on dripping.

My pant legs are damp from the washing..........and my heart is cleansed from the dawning of the realization. I will carry the lesson with me throughout the morning....until I get distracted and dried out and birds come in and poo .....

I could wash the deck every morning....but will I? What will I let interupt me tomorrow? What have I let interupt me that I thought more important in previous days?

Thank you, Jesus. You have cleaned my heart as I have cleaned my deck. I sure am glad you dropped by this morning.

In The Beginning/Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

On June 3rd, 1977 I went to church as usual and while we were singing, I heard the most beautiful tenor voice in the back of our building. I knew this had to be a visitor because we didn't have a member that sang so wonderfully.

Sure enough, after church I glanced towards the back of the room and there was this very cute, curly headed, college age man. Nice. I poked my dad on the shoulder and asked him if he would go meet the new guy.

I rushed home to help mom with the final preparations for our lunch and when dad came in I asked about the new, cute boy at church. Dad informed me that he was visiting from Texas because his car broke down.

Texas, huh? Well, THAT was a long way from Illinois where I was living.

About that time, the phone rang and it was Nina, our ministers' wife and my current best friend. She was wondering if I would like to come over and sing because the VISITOR from church this morning was staying at their house.

I quickly checked the mirror, donned a clean, blue, baby doll blouse and headed over to Nina's house--three houses away.

There he was. His name was Kevin. That day we started talking and we kept talking and we kept talking. We started singing and we kept singing and we kept singing...and then talking some more.

The third day after we met, Kevin turned to me and looked deeply into my eyes. I KNEW he was going to ask me to marry him (odd as that sounds now). His eyes bore deeply into mine and then? A panicked look took over his face and he started singing another hymn in the song book that we shared. Sigh. Maybe I was wrong.

Kevin told me much later that he was indeed all set to propose but had a panic attack and chickened out :)

We spent two weeks together, me working during the day and spending time with Kevin during the evenings. We really didn't 'go out' or date...we just talked and sang and asked each other questions.

Kevin's car got fixed and with a box of freshly baked brownies from me on the front seat of his Volkswagon, off he went back to Texas.

Kevin called every night and we talked some more. Then, he invited me to come to Texas to meet his family.

I had a weeks vacation offered to me by my boss, Dr.Akers (which was a bit strange because I had only been working at NIU Health Clinic for three months).

So, I went to Texas. My one week vacation was extended to three weeks because I had appendicitis and had to have surgery.

Kevin and I talked about getting married in the spring. When I returned to Illinois, I went and put a wedding dress on lay away and began planning a spring wedding. Kevin called. He was cold, cold, cold on the phone. No more talks of weddings...but there was talk of putting things "on hold".

I was hurt. I was mad. I told him to forget it all and hung up the phone. I informed my mother that if Kevin called again, I would leave and she could tell him that I was not home.

I sat down and wrote Kevin (what we now laughingly call my 'hate letter') a hate letter. I was not nice and basically told him that if he thought I was going to be his puppet on a string to be pulled here or there, he could rethink the whole situation.

About a week later I got a phone call around ten at night. It was Kevin. The first words out of his mouth were, "Don't hang up".....I think he had 'got the message' through my hate letter.

That was exactly what did happen. Kevin had a loving letter from me in one hand and 'the hate letter' in the other and went to his parents and showed them both and asked what they thought.

Kevin wanted to call me right then and ask me to marry him...as soon as I wanted to. His parents gave their blessing.

A week and a half later....we were married. It was September 3, 1977 in DeKalb, IL at the Church of Christ where I had grown up and been in church since I was five years old.

That was over thirty years ago and Kevin is now my precious husband and father of our five children. Happy Fathers Day, Kevin. May it be a blessed one for you.

Love,
Your JOY

The Denver/Billings Journey--Prayer Warriors at work.

2008-06-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

All of the women who read this will totally understand when I say that having a 'seated' MRI is like having a body mammogram. The magnets squished me and pulled me and then I was told to 'sit still'. Uh huh!

I know I should be grateful--and truly I am grateful, that we found an MRI that I could sit in instead of lay down. No one said what size the seat was, though :( I was perched on that little seat for about one hour with the orders, 'do not move'.

I admit, I lost it one time. I cried like a baby and embarrassed myself. Then, I closed my eyes and focused on the Lord. I knew so many of you were praying for me and right then, I could feel the effect of those prayers. It was as if God engulfed me with angels that ministered comfort to me. I took as deep a breath as the squishing machine would allow me and opened my eyes. It was no picnic to endure the rest of the medical test, but I did endure and we finished the test.

We drove to Denver Sunday afternoon (June 1-08) arriving there around 8 p.m. Kevin suggested that we stay in the Ramada, but the 'always looking for a better deal' Joyce, saw 'The Knights Inn' next door and thought we could save some money staying there instead.

OK. Longsuffering Kevin pulled into the Knights Inn and got us a room. Having waited the last thirty miles to stop for a bathroom break, I headed to the potty first thing. While sitting on the throne I first noticed a strange pattern on the floor of the bathroom. Upon closer inspection, I saw it was hair! I know my eyebrows lifted and my gag reflex began working overtime. I finished my 'business' and then dampened some toilet paper, intent upon cleaning up that hair before Kevin entered the bathroom area.

The more I swiped at the hair, the more hair I saw on the floor. Uck!

I went over to the sink to wash my hands and saw whisker hairs surrounding the sink. Oh ugh! Again, I took a swatch of toilet paper and went to dampen it. When I lifted the sink handle, the whole device came out of the sink. Oh my!

I had visions of water squirting out of the hole, but it didn't. However, under the sink, a metal piece fell to the floor. I bent over to look under the sink to see what had fallen.....and to my utter dismay under the sink had dead bugs, gobs of hair of various sorts, and bits of this and that.

I sat down once again on the comode to think this through. I could pitch a fit and we would go to another hotel. I was so tired by now that I ALMOST didn't care how dirty the room was if I could find a mostly clean place to go to sleep.

We travel with my recliner, so MY sleeping place would be fine. Kevin inspected the bed and found that the sheets LOOKED clean. OK. We can deal with this. I didn't go into the bathroom barefooted any longer, but we decided that if our dear friends, Tom and Sheila could live and minister in Mexico, we could certainly stay one night in this not so good hotel.

The next morning we got up and prepared ourselves for the upcoming medical test. We ran through a Burger King drive through and Mr. Kevin ordered a coffee with one cream and one sugar. To our astonishment, the person on the inside, taking our order asked, "Would you like onions with that?".

We looked at each other, eyebrows lifted and we both shrugged and Kevin hesitantly answered, 'uh, No, thank you"...and then we both fell into laughter. The embarrassed young man replied, "Sorry about that". Our orders were fine and we celebrated being able to eat at a Burger King (we don't have that in Worland) and went on about our day.

We finished in Denver around noon, caught a quick bite of lunch and were on our way to Billings, Montana. We watched a fabulous storm as we neared Billings. We saw several funnel looking fingers coming out of clouds. We stayed at the Hospitality House associated with the Church of Christ in Billings. It was a restful cottage that blessed us so much.

I met with my Endocrinologist Tuesday morning who was encouraged by all my medical numbers, and after taking more blood from me, we took our leave and were on our way to lunch and Walmart. I have to tell you, we went to FIVE WalMarts during our journey. ha. I use some 'over the counter' medicine that seems harder and harder to find, so when we are at any WalMart we look to see if they have any and always buy whatever amount they have in stock. Then, using my electric powered cart, I scooted all over those WalMarts looking at all the racks marked "Clearance".

I got some wonderful deals. I found some shirts for our grandsons (a dollar each!!!) and some maternity clothes for Sarah (also $1 and $3 and $5 each) and two winter shirts for me (I thought for next year, but it is cold enough I am wearing one today!!!!).

We got back to Worland around 8 on Tuesday evening. My living room/dining room and kitchen still are covered in "unpacking the car" stuff. I haven't had a moment yet to get it all in order and you KNOW that is bugging me.

After we got home and had many hugs from our reunion with daughter, Sarah, we went over to the Blakes and let our Sarah have opportunity to deliver a baby bed to their Sarah for the arrival of her new baby. Our Sarah found this beautiful baby bed at a garage sale on Saturday and just had to get it for Sarah Blake. Our Sarah's giving and generous spirit touches my heart.

Yesterday I went to the government appointed doctor in Greybull for my approval for disability. It was a useless 'exam' and I came away frustrated and feeling misunderstood. I don't believe that he got the picture of my life at all.

I rarely give in to feelings of pity for myself, but I did yesterday. So much "stuff" came tumbling down upon my overwhelmed shoulders.

Poor Joyce, Poor Joyce!

OK, enough of that! I dried my eyes and took many deep, cleansing breaths, prayed, forgave myself, asked the Lord to forgive me, too and went about my day. I also had accupuncture yesterday. After that, I blessed myself with a nap before church....and so was able to go.

Thus, my house still looks 'unpacked' and fluffed and my spirit is a grating unease over that. There is only one way to fix it--I must face it and clean and put away. I meet with my counsellor this morning over at Cloud Peak Mental Health.....so that should be refreshing (I hope) and then, the rest of the day SHOULD be mine to try and house recover from my trip.

I couldn't have made it through all this without the help of my prayer warriors (who are still praying, according to the emails I have received). I am strengthened in my spirit through your prayers.

The Wedding Feast at the Circle J

2008-05-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful, wonderful time at a wedding yesterday. I had to think of Jesus at the Wedding Feast in Cana of Gallillee. This was not a Christian wedding that we went to and I figure the one Jesus, his mother and his disciples were attending wasn't a "pure Jewish" one either, seeing as the guests were drunk and still wanting more wine when Jesus performed his first miracle.

But, it was still a time of great rejoicing and an entering into the sacred contract of Matrimony.

We had a wonderful time. The wedding, set in that little white chapel, an old, old, OLD building (over 100 years old) and located at the Circle J ranch past Ten Sleep. We were seated hip to hip to fit everyone in. It had rained early in the morning and everything was fresh and smelled so sweet--as if God had washed it all clean just for this special event.

There was a little flower girl around five years old that never stopped talking--before the service and not even during her walk down the isle as she tossed the flower petals. She blabbed while standing up front during the vows and she blabbed as she walked back down the isle after the vows were over.

At the reception, the little fairy princess flower girl, continued to spill forth verbage, twirling and whirling between the tables and conversing with anyone who looked her way. Interestingly, she wasn't intrusive and she wasn't a nusiance.....a very interesting child :) She made Kevin and I giggle all through the evening:)

The buffet was fabulous... a white and dark chocolate fountains with strawberries, pineapples and marshmallows to dip, deliciously moist slices of beef with every imaginable fresh vegetable and sliced melons and grapes.

The gorgeous cake, four tiers high and graduating from largest to smallest and draped in white fondant with what looked like a sash on the side, with red roses here and there. Not only beautiful, but luscious to eat. There were layers of strawberry jam inside, that kept the cake super moist.

The bride, my friend, Jamie, who became my friend when she was my physical therapist after my hand surgeries this last year. Her dress was so perfect for her and I could hardly keep my eyes off of it. It was white, hour glass shaped, white with deep red embroidery across the corset area and trails of it here and there along the dress. It was beautiful, as was she.

Her entire family 'gave her away'...meeting her at the front of the tiny church and lined up for her to pass in front of. It reminded me of a wall of protection as she walked through it, giving kisses and hugs to her family that has stood by her through the years and were now turning her over to her new protector, Jim.

It was lovely.

Seek And You Will Find.....

2008-05-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

Ah....Saturdays in the spring and summer and fall. Days of SEEKING and FINDING. It's garage sale season, don't you know?

Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

I have a strange way of shopping. I learned it from my little sister in the faith, Leslie Lazenby. When I enter a garage sale (or store), you might notice that I am talking to God. I often talk outloud, and forget I am doing so. This has brought raised eyebrows from the other shoppers. Oh, I don't really care...I'm on a mission.

Before each garage sale season, I make a list (which continues throughout the year) of items I ask the Lord to direct me to. I make a list because if I don't, I come home with items that I don't need and really don't want--they just look pretty :)

Here is a confession: I purchase alot of the gifts for family and friends at garage sales. Recently, I have purchased sixteen childrens videos for my grandchildren. My daughter, Jessica lives in Virginia and is expecting baby #4. Her other children are 3,2, and 1 years old. She has her hands nicely full. God gave me the most wonderful idea. What if I could send the Virginia grand kids one video a week until the baby is born, end of October? That would be something they could look forward to coming in the mail AND maybe it would help the little mama as it kept them occupied for awhile.

So, at each garage sale I ask the Lord to show me videos for sale that would fit my garage saling budget and be appropriate for my grandchildrens viewing pleasure. HE is so faithful! Why am I surprised. Well, I'm not really surprised....just in 'breath intaking' awe at God's provision in His creativity in this great idea He gave me and the wonder if it all.

Seek and YOU will find. Yes, today I sought. Today, I found!

The scripture that follows Matthew 7:7 tell the 'rest of the story'.....starting in verse 9...."Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or, if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children (and grand children), how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" (Matthew 7:9-11).

That's what I love about my Father, Papa God. God loves to give good gifts to us His children. I love to give good gifts to my children...and grandchildren. All I have to do is ASK and watch and listen.....and find.

Thank you Papa, God for garage sales with SEEKING and FINDING.

Focussing on LIFE

2008-05-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today was my appointment with Dr.Sarah who is doing acupuncture on me. I've read it is not supposed to be painful, but whoever wrote that has never had it done. I still don't know why I don't leak afterward.

The acupuncture leaves me exhausted and pained. I have slept most of the afternoon.

Kevin and I enjoyed spaghetti omelets this morning for breakfast. We had to think of Kevin's father who invented the first spaghetti omelets many years ago. They were delicious.

I did make it to the exercise Wellness Center and hurt through my exercises. It doesn't make me worse to go and I know it helps other things--cholesterol for example...so I try to go every day.

Sarah had a doctors appointment this afternoon. She is doing OK.

Kevin and I might be headed to Denver soon to finish having my MRI--this time in a sitting position. I hate driving seven hours one way to have it, but there isn't anything closer. Traveling is a challenge but this time, maybe it will be an opportunity for me.

It is Wednesday--church night and a video with discussion. I am going to move a different chair into the auditorium for me to sit on. Maybe that will feel better than a church pew. Those are torture devices for my back.

Does it sound like I am complaining in every sentence? I feel like that sometimes. God help me not feel like I want to complain. Life IS good. I want THAT to be my focus.

Pretty much an average day

2008-05-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Something different today, yes?
I love red. It is my favorite color. It is a happy color to me.
I got the results from my partial MRI today. Spinal stenosis is now in my neck along with pinched nerves and stiffness. I think my chiro, Dr. Sarah can work on the stiffness and the pinched nerves. I don't know how much she can do with the actual stenosis.

I had breakfast this morning with Judie and Larry down at Ranchitos. Kevin was exercising. I took along my current book, Get Out of that Pit, which I am loving. I love having breakfast with a book in my hands.

Its been a quiet day around the house. I did three loads of laundry, and along with that came some ironing. Not my favorite job.

Yesterday we went to visit Ruby at the nursing home. It has been awhile since I have seen her. I brought her some new body lotion. She liked that. I love seeing her eyes light up when we come into the home to see her.

We went to the hospital, too to visit, but the person was in a different hospital. We also took dinner to their home, but couldn't find anyone to give it to...so came home and enjoyed supper ourselves.

Kevin went to the Beet factory this morning for a meeting with the big Joe. Our friend is hoping to help them get out of debt and make profit once again. This is Rob Stapp. Wouldn't that be wonderful if he could do that?

Kevin worked at the church office....and has a meeting tonight with someone else. I cleaned our room (it has been awhile) and organized some of my sewing supplies.

I did some resting today. Physically, it is a difficult day for me.

Blessings
JOYce

Mothers Day 2008

2008-05-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

It is said that besides Christmas, Mothers Day is the number one 'best seller' at stores. Mothers Day used to not mean a great deal to me, but as I get older 'times' have changed :)

Today is Mothers Day. For me, it has been Mothers Week :)

I got the cuckoo clock from Kevin (refer to previous blog) and he bought me a beautiful watch. The watch 'band' is more like a half inch wide bangel and the design is butterflies (one of my favorite things--thank you Sound of Music). He also bought me a big potted flowering plant--in a deep rose color. HE will take care of it because I want it to live. Plants and I do not get along well. This morning, I got a beautiful card from him, with a self written poem inside. Nice.

Sarah bought me a beautiful corsage and pinned it on me at church this morning (she also asked off work so she could be with me at church). Yesterday, while I was out garage saling (also called carport sale) the local florist delivery person came to our home, seeing we were not home, she walked into our house and left two vases of flowers on our kitchen bar :) We live in a small town :)

The vase that was for me was from Jessica and Rachel, way over in Virginia. The vase was filled with red tulips (my favorite flower) and purple irises (my second favorite flower). The other vase was for 'first time mother', Sarah, and was filled with yellow daisys--both very beautiful.

This morning at church (we have a table in the back of the auditorium for gifts for one another) was two cards and a small gift from friends.

I spent two days this week making little gifts for our mothers at church. I took a metal whisk, filled it with Hersheys chocolate Hugs and Kisses, wrapped the whisk in tissue paper and tied it with a silver ribbon. On the card, which I attatched with hand made pretties, read, "Whisking you a Happy Mothers Day filled with Hugs and Kisses". It was fun to hand them out to each mother as they entered the building and wish them a Happy Mothers Day. From two of the men I heard, "I can't wait for Fathers Day", so I will begin researching NOW a craft I can do for the men next month:)

I also got two phone calls. One from Jessica and one from Israel. Jessica was first--early this morning before we headed to the church building. She and Jason were 'out' celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary for the weekend. I've enjoyed thinking of them both, knowing they were focusing on each other and getting a rest from my three wonderful (and perfect;) Virginia grandchildren.

Israel called this afternoon. We talked for over an hour. We don't usually talk on the phone, so this was a really nice treat. We talked about so many things going on in our lives. Brought back alot of old memories of years gone by when he was a little boy, living at home and long talks we had 'way back when'.

Kevin took Sarah and I out to a Chinese Restaurant for lunch today. Another treat. No cooking and no cleaning. Nice!

We came home and I took a long, restful nap. That's the way to spend a Sunday afternoon. It should be mandatory. It's especially appropriate for Mothers Day.

In a little while we will return to the church building to meet once again with our fellow believers. Kevin is preaching tonight--I don't know what about, but I KNOW it will be good and something I can 'chew on' the rest of the week.

It's been a good Mothers Day. Time for reflection of the many blessings being a mother. No higher calling and just the career I wanted. I live in a good season now. The stresses of being responsible for little ones has past. Grandmotherhood is fabulous! I can go to the bathroom without little hands poking out from under the door and hearing repeated "mama's" until I am finished.

I am fifty two years old. In July I turn 53. I am over half done with my life on this earth. For me, I feel relief in that. Tho I have been abundantly blessed and am enjoying the trip......my heart longs for 'home'. I will walk out each day that the Lord has planned for me......running the race set before me........but don't be fooled......I won't be sad to sit down at the end of my earth journey and receive my Sabbath rest. When that day comes...don't grieve for ME! I won't be hurting any more. I, my dear ones, will be dancing without pain on those heavenly streets. I will never get tired....I shall laugh loudly and not get belly cramps :)

You can be sad for yourselves. I know you will miss me :)

Have your grieving. It's a good gift from God. But don't linger there too long. Get on with life. It is meant to be lived and lived in abundance--whatever way the Lord leads you. Listen to His voice and go HIS path. It's the best way there is.

Happy Mothers Day to me.

Enchiladas and Spanish Rice :)

2008-05-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sundays are a good day to have company after meeting with the church. We did just that today. The food was WELL received, so I thought that today I would do something different and share the recipes I used. Enjoy.

Easy and Delicious Enchiladas

Brown 2 # ground hamburger, crumbling well
Drain and rinse
Pour into a large bowl
Add a large can of refried beans (Fat Free is fine, too)
Add 1 T of chili powder,
1 t. salt and pepper
1T of powdered garlic
Add one can of enchilada sauce (green or red)
Thoroughly mix together.

I used two, 12 per package, small corn tortillas. Microwaving each package for 1 1/2 minutes or until softened.

Spray a 13 X 9 X 2 pan with Pam spray.

Fill each tortilla with filling, roll it up and place it seam side down in the pan. Each package or tortillas makes one layer in the baking pan. When you have them all rolled up, pour another can of enchilada sauce over the rolled tortillas. Sprinkle with shredded cheese of your choice. Bake 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until bubbly and cheese has melted.

I served this with Sour Cream and Salsa.

As a side dish I made some Spanish Rice. Delicious. Here is that recipe.

Ingredients
2 Sweet Green Peppers, chopped
1 Lg. Onion, chopped
1 c. of chopped celery
2 can tomato sauce
1 can of stewed tomatoes
3 cups of instant brown rice

Cook green peppers, onion and celery in a skillet until very tender. Pour tomato sauce and stewed tomatoes into large pot. Add vegetables and bring to a boil. Add rice, cover and remove from the heat. Let it sit for five minutes. Serve.

****
For dessert I served a great old standby that everyone loves--Rice Krispy Treats.

This lunch went over so well. Everyone ate lots and there was enough leftover to send a good portion home with the guests that came to visit AND enough for Sarah a meal when she got home from work.

I hope you will try these very easy and tasteful recipes. "Mexican" hugs from Wyoming.....The Handmaiden, Joyce

Cuckoo Clocks and Baby Clothes

2008-05-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my precious husband searched high and low to find me a gift. He and Sarah drove over 150 miles to find it. Finally, grinning shyly he presented me with a German Cuckoo Clock.

I am touched. Everytime the little birdie comes out and heralds the hour, I smile and remember....Kevin loves me! :)

When we first married, my parents gave us their cuckoo clock. I grew up listening to it and enjoyed it being on the wall in my parents home. Now, it was on the wall in MY home.

When our oldest son was five, he loved throwing a football around. I had told him repeatedly not to throw the football in the house. Being a five year old boy, he 'forgot' and tossed the football in the living room, hitting the clock and breaking it.

We had it repaired.

Another day and another toss of the football sent the clock crashing to the floor in dozens of pieces. So much so that it was impossible to put it back together again.

I was so upset that I sat down on the floor and wept. Five year old Israel stood beside me, tears streaming down his little boy face while watching his mama coming apart at the seams over a cuckoo clock. When I saw Israel standing there, I pulled myself together and gathered him in my arms. I cradled his head in my hands and said, "Mama is wrong to be so upset over this clock. It is just a THING. YOU are important. I'm so sorry to have reacted wrongly."

We both dried our tears and I swept up the clock pieces and put them in a box. We have moved many times since then, and somewhere along the line, the broken pieces were tossed.

I have thought back over this incident many times, remembering that anything I own on this earth IS just a THING. All of the THINGS someday will be burned up. The clock became just a nastalgic memory of the past.

When Kevin came carrying in that beautiful German cuckoo clock, my heart overflowed with joy AND another remembrance....from the Scripture....

Isiah 61:3....'beauty for ashes'.

I reviewed the context in which this phrase resides. God, speaking to Isaiah said, "The Spirit of the Lord, God is upon me, because the Lord has annointed me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, To GIVE THEM BEAUTY FOR ASHES, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

Ahhhh.... God has also annointed Kevin and I to preach good tidings.....and to GIVE beauty for ashes.

In giving me the cuckoo clock, I felt like God had given me beauty for ashes (a new clock to replace the old one).....but really, what I am to get from this teaching is that I AM TO GIVE beauty for ashes. Oh--an, ah-ha moment for the Handmaiden of God.

Now, each time hear the cuckoo announce the hour I am reminded of the Lords' command, "Give beauty for ashes".........yes, behold I am the handmaiden of the Lord; let it be so to me, even as you have said!
***************

This being Saturday, Kevin, Sarah and I ventured forth to the local garage sales. Our very first one had gobs of baby clothes. Our daughter, Sarah is six months pregnant. She is having a boy in August. His name is Emmanuel. Today, God blessed us with a large carton full of baby boy clothes, blankets, socks, caps and undershirt onesies. The clothes are beautiful, hardly worn and clean. We also got a Fisher Price portable baby bed for me to use in the living room when Sarah is resting in the bedroom, where the larger crib is.

We feel rich. We ARE rich. God has so richly blessed us.

Sarah and I pulled each little garment out of the box and lovingly examined it, oohing and aahing, rejoicing in the bounty. Sarah sat back in the chair and sighing said, "I was so worried that Emmanuel would have nothing to wear.....now look!".

I was reminded of Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gatherin into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

God believes I am valuable. He takes care of the birds and He will take care of Emmanuel, too.

I am surrounded every day with these valuable reminders from my Father in Heaven. Dear God, let me hear You EACH time you speak to me through cuckoo clocks and baby clothes....or any other thing.......let me be one that has ears to hear and eyes to see.

Small beginnings........

2008-05-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

May 2nd, 2008
This is a new venture for me. I have resisted it, but here I am :)
I feel God has called me at this time to write and this is the means I am to take.
I'm a bit nervous....this 52 year old adventuress is a bit rusty in the technology arena.
Today is Friday. I love Fridays. It's the end of the work week and the beginning of the weekend race. Only if you are a ministers wife will you fully understand the meaning of that.
It's been a good week, just intense.
This morning I have been to the Wellness Center and completed my 45 minute exercise routine. Kevin is trying a new exercise venture at the Health Club instead of at the Wellness Center. So, I am going it alone. I don't mind. I am comfortable where I am. Kevin is more the exerciser adventure seeker of the two of us.
I grabbed breakfast at McDonalds while waiting for Kevin to get out of the Health Club. We are a one van family. Isn't it just 'reality' that McDonalds is located right BESIDE the Health Club. Uh huh, I think so, too.
I had the newspaper with me and checked for garage sales. Hoping.....
There was only one listed for today and it wasn't what I was looking for. I do have my standards ;)
So, homeward we came and I sent out Snacking On The Word, read letters in my email box and also did some internet shopping for me some new tennis shoes.
This is always an adventure. Buying tennis shoes that look OK and feel real good, now that is a challenge. I have wide feet and I have feet that hurt often. My current pair of tennis shoes look like I picked them off a trash heap. I thought they would last me another month or so as I continued on looking for just the right pair of new tennis shoes. Well, that worked fine until the dog had an upset stomach and barfed on my shoes. I tried wiping them off, but when barf seeps in, wiping off just isn't workable. So, into the washing machine they went.
I tumbled them through the dryer and at least they came out in one piece. They are tattered and the sponge (did YOU know sponge was inside your tennis shoe fabric????) is showing through on both of them now. Sad.
I have other shoes. I am not destitute. But these are my prime pair.
So, into the internet catalog of Woman Within I went and ordered me a pair of tennis shoes, White, Wide, Size 9. Big RED letters pop up....." BACK ORDER" :(
So, with Kevins' urgings, I ordered a second pair in a Blue color. Those are 'in stock'. Good. Now the wait until UPS brings them to my door. Until then, the ratty tatty ones will have to do. A lesson in humility and patience.
We have a bunch of church folks who are sick or injured right now. Yesterday I cooked the biggest bowl of goulash I have ever made. One of our little mama's fell down some stairs yesterday and hurt her foot. She has six children. I am a mother of five (often adding in foster children) and tho' it has been a few years since our house held them all, I do vividly remember how it was when the mama of our house went down.
With Sarahs' help, I fixed this huge bowl of goulash, bought some potato rolls and made a big pan of brownies to give to this family.
Another of our little church mamas broke her toe this past Wednesday. Her family consists of just her and her husband and her little guy, so I scooped some of the goulash into a small container for her and sent a few of the rolls and some jello salad that I had made for us, to them.
I like cooking and I really like baking and since none in our house should eat the baking, I like to give it away.
I am still reminissing over our ladies retreat of last weekend. THAT was great! The speaker from Nebraska, Neva Cooper gave me such insight on Matthew 5-7. I have felt like a cow chewing and re chewing her cud. Nice.
I also enjoyed the video we watched this past Wednesday. It was called: DUST. Took me awhile to get the point of the video. The end of the matter was this, If I FOLLOW the Rabbi (Jesus), then HIS dust (from following him) will be all over me. The blessing at the end of the video was, "May the Rabbi's dust be upon you".
I like that. I want to be covered in my Rabbi's dust. I want to follow him so closely that I am baptized in it. Being menopausal, I will end up being a mud puddle (tears plus dust equal mud)....emotions create tears very often these days.
I don't mind. Those tears along with the hot flashes let me know that I am beginning yet another season of life. It's good.
As long as I can live, walking behind my Rabbi, my Master and being His Dust (mud) Bunny...I am content.